I'm looking for book recommendations to help navigate the passing of my dad. He died relatively young (I’m in my 20s) and I was his primary caregiver the past few years. He had a rare and incredibly debilitating progressive illness but was given a terminal diagnosis not too long before passing.
Our relationship was complex. He was abusive at times during my childhood we’ve always had a strong bond despite phases of estrangement and distance. He had his own difficulties with abuse in his family and struggled with addiction. I loved him very much despite our difficult history and know he loved me too.
I'm struggling with overwhelming sadness, guilt, regret, and traumatic memories from witnessing his decline and death. Also just generally ruminating on the sadness about the different circumstances of his life and how much he suffered. I think I was more in shock and felt more distracted by various other things immediately following his death but it’s starting to set in more and I’m having a hard time not ruminating constantly.
I'm not looking for the typical grief books that offer platitudes like "it's okay to not be okay" or basic validation that grief is hard. Ideally I’d find something that addresses:
- Processing grief when the relationship contained both deep love and harm
- Caregiver guilt and medical trauma
- Moving through regret when there's no chance to resolve things
I’m thinking more about self help books but I’m also open to fiction, memoirs, or anything else I might not be thinking of. Also FYI I already have a therapist I’m talking about all this. Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
by user63589323