Fantasy with an unnecessary yet enjoyable subplot

Hi! I love fantasy but don't like pure romance. I prefer fantasy where you could remove the romance and the book still be fire (The Shepard King Duology, Immortal Dark, Where The Dark Stands Still, The Scarlet Veil, The City We Became Duology, [Emily Wilde as well, but it could've ended at book 1 without the romance and been fine so it's only a technicality and is on the line for my preferred balance of romance to everything else]). However, much like the books mentioned, if there's romance, I want it to be good. I like books with spice (I'm cool with max level chili peppers), but the leading plotline shouldn't be the romantic relationship. I do occasionally read romance, but it's almost exclusively dark romance (The Ruinous Love Trilogy and similar) except for my one true romance series (Assistant to the Villian), but that series has a lot going for it and I still think I'd enjoy it without the romance. I'm not super into high fantasy, but I'm willing to give it a shot if you sell it enough.

So yeah, hit me with some romantic fantasies that don't rely on batting eyelashes to push the plot forward. Bonus points if the romance is built over a semi-realistic time period or has boot shaking spice 😎😈. (Yes, I like spice okay, but you don't have to love who you do the deed with.) I'm also totally cool with unhinged MCs as long as the author doesn't justify abuse (cough cough colleen hoover).

Edit: Not a fan of men as main characters/primary narrators. I can handle it in a dual pov, but if I'm going to read a book with a man narrator, that book needs to be life changing from page one (like Babel or No Gods, No Monsters).