Grandpa here, urgently requesting children’s book titles that communicate why one parent shouldn’t be hated because they’re the only one setting healthy limits for kiddos. We help watch the 4 yo, who struggles to understand why one parent sets and follows up on healthy limits (examples: screen time, bedtime, sweets, safety of self and others, getting her and the little siblings to brush their teeth, you name it). Our adult daughter/parent is in such a tough spot, having divorced from someone in a powerful family who is even connected with the presiding judge, and she is the only one both setting healthy limits and doing all the tough jobs, after years of putting up with nonstop and high-risk cheating, and exhausting all efforts to change the many bad behaviors. The 4 yo is now acting out against her mom, yelling “I HATE YOU!!” when my daughter enforces the same reasonable rules she once (solely) ensured were in place before the divorce. It’s tragic, and is also taking an emotional toll on my daughter (a patient and loving parent if there ever was one).
I’m thinking there might be good children’s books on why unpopular but essential boundary-setting is an act of love, with examples, that I can buy and read to these kids. Suggestions anyone? Thanks.
by gemstun
2 Comments
Don’t let the Pigeon Drive the Bus by Mo Wilems. It’s a demonstration of saying No when someone really wants to do something.
As a divorced parent myself, your daughter just needs to keep being the steady bow. Kids feel loved when there are boundaries, and honestly, the fact that she says those things to her mother shows that she knows she’s loved unconditionally. I wouldn’t put in any effort to point things out to her at this age- just explain why the boundaries are what they are (we brush our teeth so we don’t get cavities. When we sleep, our brains and bodies grow), and acknowledge that things might be different at dad’s while being age appropriate (like, “it’s important to me that we look after our oral hygiene. I brush my teeth every night, and I make sure you do, too.” If the kid says “I don’t at my dad’s”, I would just say something non-committal back, like “Thank for telling me! One day you may decide you want to brush at your dad’s, and I can get you a toothbrush if you need one.”) A book I read to my son a lot was “Two Homes”, which isn’t about different rules per se, just about things being different but the kid being loved.
Also, it honestly doesn’t matter that the ex is connected. 50/50 seems to be the norm no matter which parent actually parents. Sorry for your daughter’s situation, though.