Maybe a little history would help.
40/m. Second marriage. 2 kids.
5 years in recovery for alcohol.
Anxiety/Depression/ADHD.
Chronic infidelity.
Looking into SLAA.
Recently discovered a lot of my issues have to deal with my parents not showing affection/making me feel cared about/loved, etc.
I’m working with a new therapist and the real goal is to focus on myself, getting to know who I am and actually liking the person I am, rather than hating myself. I feel like I got a long road to go and half of my life is already over.
I’m completely open to any suggestions you all may have. Thank you.
by TransGlasses
1 Comment
First, just want to say—it takes real strength to face all this head-on and *still* be willing to work on yourself. That mindset alone puts you in rare company. You’re not starting from zero. You’re starting from self-awareness, which is half the battle most people never even fight.
Here are a few books that have helped a lot of people walk the same kind of path you’re on:
**1.** ***Homecoming*** **by John Bradshaw**
This one hits deep if you’re dealing with childhood emotional neglect. It walks through reconnecting with your inner child and gives you tools to begin healing those invisible wounds. Powerful without being preachy.
**2.** ***No Bad Parts*** **by Richard Schwartz**
This introduces Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapeutic model that teaches you to see yourself not as broken, but as made of “parts” that all had a reason for existing. Especially helpful if you’ve struggled with shame or self-sabotage.
**3.** ***The Body Keeps the Score*** **by Bessel van der Kolk**
A modern classic. It’s about how trauma, big or small, lives in the body—and how to work with it instead of against it. Some chapters are heavy, but it gives language to things a lot of us never knew how to describe.
**4.** ***Untamed*** **by Glennon Doyle**
This one may seem unexpected, but if you want a voice that says “you’re allowed to rebuild everything from scratch” with vulnerability and grit, this hits. It’s not just for women—it’s for anyone tired of pretending.
**5.** ***Healing the Shame that Binds You*** **by John Bradshaw**
Since you’re diving into SLAA and recovery from infidelity, this one might be especially useful. It breaks down how shame drives compulsive behaviors and how to dismantle that cycle.
You said half your life feels like it’s over, but here’s the truth: everything you’re doing now? Most people never get there, *ever*. If anything, this is the beginning of your real life. Messy, honest, and yours.
Are you more drawn to books that offer frameworks and tools, or ones that feel like someone walking beside you and speaking truth you didn’t know you needed to hear? That might help tailor more recs your way.