I’ve always hated romance in books because I don’t find it at all relatable as someone on the aro/ace spectrum. But what I absolutely adore is a love story. Allow me to elaborate.
I don’t want to hear about the protagonists slowly falling for each other, getting butterflies in their stomachs, feeling jealous of others they see as competition, blushing and feeling embarrassed around them, tripping over their words, and all the other romance tropes you can think of. I don’t want to read anything you could describe as a “sweet” romance. I especially don’t want to hear about how physically attractive the protagonists find one another. This does not appeal to me in any way.
What I DO want, is this:
- A book written with love as a central theme or driver of the plot, yet the relationship is not the whole plot. I want it to drive the plot but not BE the plot.
- People who love each other deeply and would do anything for each other. This can be romantic, platonic, familial, or anything else.
- Complicated love. Love coloured by grief. The horror of love. Love driving people to do horrible things. Love so powerful it’s the only thing driving a dying character’s will to survive.
Examples (book and non book):
- The Locked Tomb. In no way a romance, but nearly everything is driven by a fucked up kind of love that irreversibly alters the characters in a multitude of ways.
- Book of the Ancestor. Nona’s entire motivation is her love for her friends and her willingness to put herself through absolute hell to protect them.
- The Last of Us. Joel loves Ellie so much that he commits war crimes to stop her from dying. And then in part 2, there is a lot of revenge driven by love.
- Fleabag season 2. I love that its opening line is “this is a love story”. It is, but it’s not very romantic.
- Arcane. It’s full of love without being romantic. Especially familial love. Sisterhood. Parenthood. It drives the plot in a lot of ways.
- Weird pull, but the poem The Highwayman by Alfred Noyes. The way the characters’ love dooms them both.
Any suggestions of books that are love stories but not romances?
by IReadBooksSometimes
9 Comments
It’s been a minute since I read it but I think Alone With You in the Ether by Olivie Blake would work with what you’re looking for! I really enjoyed it and I’m not a huge romance girly
11/22/63
the All For the Game series by Nora Sakavic! its really difficult to explain but i personally think it is what youre looking for, look up content warnings if theres anything that you need to watch out for because this series gets very very violent and covers incredibly traumatic topics
im on the aroace spectrum and i see the way i love in the main characters of the first trilogy personally
The Fortress series by C. J. Cherryh. There is romance here, but the primary focus is on platonic love.
Someone You Can Build a Nest In by John Wiswell
Nova by Samuel R. Delany
Divine Rivals!
As a fellow aroace, I can’t recommend [The Hands of the Emperor](https://app.thestorygraph.com/books/af2bba9c-8f41-4a3e-b87a-8532a44ccb67) by Victoria Goddard highly enough! It’s a beautifully written slice of life book about the personal secretary to the emperor of the world, with a heavy focus on platonic relationships. It was the first person book I ever read that gave platonic love the weight most media only gives to romantic love, and it made me feel extremely seen.
The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto by Mitch Albom
The Little Paris Bookshop (romance interrupted by sudden death, and the desire to give her the goodbye he never got to say spurs a lonely, love-starved old Frenchman to sail his houseboat/bookshop through France, making unexpected friends along the way)
A Man Called Ove (a very grumpy curmudgeon learns to love, not only the people around him, but his life and himself more)
A Gentleman in Moscow (a Russian aristocrat sentenced to house arrest for the rest of his life in a fabulous hotel meets a young girl who changes the course of his life, and for whom he would be willing to do anything)
Tom Lake (a mother tells her daughters the story of one summer that changed her life– and the love she let go for a better life)
The Overstory (several different stories, told over the course of a hundred years, about each person’s love for the environment, trees, and the world around them)
The God of Endings (I don’t normally recommend this because it fucked me up, but an ancient vampire woman runs a quaint French kindergarten in upstate New York, until she meets one child for whom she would do anything)
Homecoming (everything Kate Morton writes is about family, love, and secrets– this one includes a murder and a missing baby)
The Japanese Lover (Isabel Allende is another that rarely misses – this is one that is less about romance than it is about an old woman telling her story, the love that has endured for 70 years against all the odds, and the receiver of her story whose life is altered forever)
Our Souls at Night (I get chills just thinking about this book. Two old people toward the end of their lives decide they would rather just be companions. In a small southern town, people will talk– but the two of them understand what exists between their souls at night. It’s beautiful, completely aromantic, and yet one of the most gorgeous pieces written about love that I have ever read).
Feel free to message me if you want more recs, I have so. many.
The Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold