I hope i’m not too late to ride on the hype!!!
This is the first memoir I’ve ever read—mainly because it’s the only celebrity memoir Jack Edwards has rated five stars. When I first came across the book a year or two ago, I remember being shocked and taken aback by the title printed on such a pretty cover. I thought it was too vulgar. “How could anybody say that about their mom? How ungrateful,” I remember thinking. But after stumbling upon it again this July, my perspective completely changed.
I deeply admire Jennette McCurdy’s bravery and unwavering honesty in sharing the painful and often disturbing moments of her childhood—hidden behind all the glamour and fame. How could a mother force her child to starve herself, belittle her desire to be a writer, and shame her so persistently that she developed eating disorders and severe mental health issues? If it were me, I don’t think I could have survived it. I admire Jennette not only for her resilience, but for choosing herself and working hard to heal from traumas she didn’t even realize she was experiencing until her treatment journey began.
There were moments when I had to pause and take a breath because of how triggering some parts were—almost as if the previous chapters hadn’t already prepared me. I found myself relating to her experiences with her parents and grandmother. Though not as extreme, their echoes bled through my own life and resurfaced memories I also hope to acknowledge and heal from.
As someone currently struggling with the direction—or lack of direction—of my life, I resonated deeply with her thoughts on “slip-ups.” Her reflection on how we shouldn’t let slips turn into slides, particularly in relation to her bulimia, helped me better understand my own self-sabotaging behaviors. It made me realize why my mind feels so uneasy when I try to break bad habits—because those patterns have become part of my identity. They’ve been my safe space. Jennette’s discussion of shame and guilt—how they are different, and how we shouldn’t let shame define us while accepting that guilt is a normal emotion—was something I truly needed to hear.
There’s still so much more I could say, but what I’ve shared are the parts that had the biggest impact on me—mainly because of their relevance to my current life. As I reached the end of the book (without even realizing it at first), I mentally applauded. Her decision to never visit her mother’s grave again, paired with The Doobie Brothers’ “What a Fool Believes” playing in the background—it felt like the perfect ending to a movie scene.
I’m glad she died, too.
by CuriousElize