Romances for someone romance averse?

I would really like to read some romance novels but I'm very picky and a big mood reader when it comes to any books, and specifically romance I find myself averse to.

I like books with fucked up characters, some of my favorite books are the ones I spend the whole time going "what is WRONG with these people!?" and I love thrillers, horror, surrealism, and bleak or nihilistic contemporary fiction. One of my all time favorite authors is Chuck Palahniuk and my favorite of his books is probably Lullaby. But that kind of writing isn't the only thing I like, it's just a strong preference. I do not like reading series, I read almost exclusively stand alone novels.

My aversion to romance is partly just cultural misogynistic ewwww romance type feelings that I'm trying to get over, but I'm also queer so I really don't want to read something with two extremely straight and gender conforming characters doing extremely straight and gender conforming things (I don't mind if the pairing is m/f as long as they're not super rigid with it). I also don't really want to read any super cutesy fluffy LGBT books. And no romantasy because I'm not big on fantasy either, but magical realism is cool with me. I'm open to any spice level including straight up erotica if it fits my other criteria.

The only romances I've really read previously were Twilight when it first came out (I liked the first book as a teen but didn't like the rest of them, never joined the fandom, and would not like an adult version of the story now), The Time Traveller's Wife (which I actually really liked and have read more than once because it's got a certain bleak edge and can get kinda gruesome at times), and fanfiction (which is easier for me since I'm already familiar with and into the characters, and it's free and super accessible so I have no qualms about noping out at any point).

Any recommendations?