Grieving not being able to become a parent, but not due to infertility?

I keep finding books about grieving being childfree not by choice due to infertility.

But that’s not the loss I’m grieving.

For me, I’m just never financially going to be able to achieve the one thing that I’ve always wanted most out of life.

I’ve had several embryos frozen for years now, enough that if I were to transfer all of them, I’d have a near 100% chance of having a child. I was fortunate to create them from one egg retrieval and using donor sperm, but my window is closing now and I don’t see a way I’ll ever be able to use them.

The costs of housing, healthcare, food, etc. – just the bare essentials as a single person – are already hard enough to manage and who knows if I’ll ever even be able to retire.

So, kids just aren’t in the cards for me.

Infertility is also gut wrenchingly terrible but the grieving is different. All the books about grieving infertility make me feel worse because I just think of how fortunate I felt when I created my embryos versus now how devastated I feel having to accept that I can’t ever give any of them a chance.

I’m working with a therapist but I’d also really like something I could read to idk provide solace or support.