We (27F, 26M) were in a relationship for more than 4 years, and 2 years before that as really good friends. It was going well till my parents brought up marriage and I started taking our relationship more seriously from a marriage standpoint. I just could not make my heart believe that I wanted to marry him. I tried for more than an year, giving myself all the logic in the world that he is the best person I could spend the rest of my life with, but I would always spiral back to thinking the same things about why I would want to be with someone more mature, who would be more disciplined and offer more security and care (I have grown up in a dysfunctional family and feeling secure with someone who can take responsibility and is dependable is very important for me). I had discussed these things with him as well, about what I am looking for in a life partner, how I fathom the upcoming years after marriage, but I was never assured of his answers and felt he is not ready for marriage. After more than an year of trying, I finally broke up, with him saying that I am being too ambitious of my prospects from arrange marriage (which is kinda true, I am not very smart or good looking). But regardless of what the future holds for me, I am now out of an endless battle that I fought within myself about whether to marry him or not for more than a year.
I want some book suggestions that can help me heal, the tiredness I have felt battling those constant stream of thoughts for so many months. Appreciate your suggestions. Request commenters to not be rude, I am trying really hard to hold myself together!
by searchingpassion
1 Comment
I Am Diosa by Christine Gutierrez. It is written by a psychotherapist and focuses on self-worth and healing that negative voice. It talks a lot about the feminine divine, but in an empowering, nonreligious way. She also has a book called I Am Worthy, but I haven’t read it.