A colleague who is close to me and who can be thought of as a friend is getting married. Now, she is overwhelmed by work and the world, and it feels like she didn't even have time to process the gravity of the marriage.
Now, she is a great person and I wish her all the happiness in the world and having a happy marriage is a key to that.
There are some differences between men and women that they both need to be aware of and I like the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" but people I respect said the book was utmost 3/10. I want a sureshot, something which will actually help them traverse through being one for the rest of their lives (hopefully).
So, what do you suggest as my best wishes book?
by Verrukt_male_232
9 Comments
Does she feel like she hasn’t had time to process or do you?
I am not sure if this is something that would be interpreted as well intended.
Yeah I wouldn’t get them books on relationships or marriage, but a really good book for a new couple is a lovely looking version of the Kamasutra.
honestly Esther Perel’s *Mating in Captivity* is probably your best bet if your colleague is already reflective about relationships. it’s smart, nuanced, doesn’t fall into the gender-stereotype trap like Mars/Venus, and gets at the real tension in long-term partnerships: how do you maintain desire and intimacy when you’re building a life together?
*Hold Me Tight* by Sue Johnson is another solid option! that one’s based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and it’s got a warmer, more reassuring tone than Perel.
Johnson’s whole thing is about attachment theory. How we reach for each other in moments of stress or disconnection, and how to recognize those patterns and respond better. it’s more structured than Perel (has exercises and conversations to try), so if your colleague wants something she can actually *do* with her partner, Johnson might be the better fit
both are miles better than Mars/Venus. you could even do both if you’re feeling generous—they complement each other pretty well (Perel on maintaining desire, Johnson on maintaining connection)
either way your colleague’s lucky to have a friend putting this much thought into it
“There are some differences between men and women that they both need to be aware of.”
Just no. She might share your views, in which case the book is unnecessary, or she might not share your views, in which case the book is inappropriate and insulting.
Has she mentioned that she feels like she hasn’t processed getting married? Are you friendly coworkers or are you really close friends outside of work?
Books aren’t really a wedding gift. From my experience you usually gift things like nice stuff for their house. Their wedding isn’t the time for you to share your opinions. Unless you have been explicitly told that she feels overwhelmed and unprepared, do not do this.
Don’t gift her a book if “she needs to be made aware that men are different from women” is your guiding light.
This is a terrible idea. Don’t try and offer someone relationship advice as a wedding present. Put money in a card.
The only possible way a book would make sense would be if it was an empty cookbook binder thing or some sort of “our first year” kind of book where they can record memories of their early marriage. But even then, I think you might be better off just getting something off their registry, if they have one. I think any book about how one should conduct a relationship or marriage would be presumptuous and not well-received.