A while ago, a friend told me about this shitty "dark fantasy, romance, smut author" that she read the books of with their cousin as a joke. The books were so terrible that they just kept reading them for the shits and giggles. Obviously I was intrigued and asked for more info.
The author in question is our lord and saviour Siggy Shade, who writes books about mythical creatures like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster basically railing various female characters in the most ungodly, diabolical ways in the most wild plots. You have the Morning Wood Tree, where a woman basically calls off her wedding because she finds out that her fiancé has a lactation kink and that she's meant to train in order to lactate him (yes.) WITH HIS GRANDPA who wants to be called Pappy while referring to her as Milky (her name is Millie). Homegirl basically runs away, arrives in the wood where she sees a carnivorous, living tree who wants to eat her blood. She's basically like "girl wait, I'm on my period, would that work?" Yes. They do the deed. Over and over.
The family comes to like, rescue her? She ends up in a coma, wakes up in their house, the grandpa basically wants to do stuff w her but she tricks him into going into the woods where the tree oofs him and his wife. Him and Milky do the deed again. Then they go to the house of the fiancé where they impregnate him with like his and Milky's kid. Once the kids (it's TWINS.) are born, the dude dies.
by OGprocasinator
11 Comments
I recently listened to the audiobook for Fourth Wing and I can’t even remember if I bothered finishing it, it was that bad.
the entire powerless series. just recycled garbage imo. idk how u still have functioning eyeballs after all that eyerolling
Gonna playfully sidestep your question’s intent and say Patrick Rothfuss. Excellent writer with great prose that unfortunately has the worst behavior when it comes to finishing the series he started decades ago.
Lots of controversy with a particular fundraiser year where pieces of the highly anticipated third book were never delivered.
I cannot/will not read anything by Freida McFadden. 3 was enough for a sample size in my opinion.
One of my sisters said that’s her favorite author so I tried one. It was so bad I asked my sister if she had read it (I think it was something like the inmate?). She hadn’t read that one but recommended the teacher and the housemaid.
Probably was, I had already read the last Mrs Parrish which is what the housemaid is based on (allegedly). I won’t even try anymore of her books. I don’t understand the hype around her, and I have to actively fight myself not to judge my family and friends who do like her books.
Every time I encounter Frieda McFadden’s writing, I’m shocked by how successful she seems to be. Her writing reads like a teenager’s to me
> You have the Morning Wood Tree, where a woman basically calls off her wedding because she finds out that her fiancé has a lactation kink and that she’s meant to train in order to lactate him (yes.) WITH HIS GRANDPA who wants to be called Pappy while referring to her as Milky (her name is Millie). Homegirl basically runs away, arrives in the wood where she sees a carnivorous, living tree who wants to eat her blood. She’s basically like “girl wait, I’m on my period, would that work?” Yes. They do the deed. Over and over.
I’m sorry, I’m confused – why are you asking for “terrible” books, and then describing what is clearly some of the most profound literature ever produced?
That title alone is worth something. Not sure what – but *something*.
Fourth wing. I’ve heard of “show don’t tell” but never “tell over and over and never show or do anything interesting ever” where your only method of world building is the mc reciting random history facts out loud to the reader while stressed out. The only reason I even enjoyed it was the dragon dynamic thing until it just became a device to make sex have more screentime. Also edgy emo “I want to kill you” to boyfriend is so overdone and boring.
Terry Goodkind. The way he writes women makes me doubt he’s ever encountered one
I don’t like Steven King. I haven’t found one that wasn’t boring af.
Harry Stephen Keeler wrote gloriously bad mysteries. This is from The Riddle of the Traveling Skull from 1934:
For it must be remembered that at the time I knew quite nothing, naturally, concerning Milo Payne, the mysterious Cockney-talking Englishman with the checkered long-beaked Sherlockholmsian cap; nor of the latter’s “Barr-Bag” which was as like my own bag as one Milwaukee wienerwurst is like another; nor of Legga, the Human Spider, with her four legs and her six arms; nor of Ichabod Chang, ex-convict, and son of Dong Chang; nor of the elusive poetess, Abigail Sprigge; nor of the Great Simon, with his 2163 pearl buttons; nor of — in short, I then knew quite nothing about anything or anybody involved in the affair of which I had now become a part, unless perchance it were my Nemesis, Sophie Kratzenschneiderwümpel — or Suing Sophie!
This reminds me of Everybody Loves Large Chests. It’s a litrpg story about a mimic who outgrows its dungeon. It’s a monster, so the author leans into making a character that has no moral compass beyond the desires to eat, hoard and survive.