Whose fault? Novel by Sophia Tolstaya – discussion

I have recently read this novel and would like to discuss it. Most articles I found online focus more on Sophia’s marriage to Leo, but I couldn’t find many internet discussions about the content of the novel itself.

I also know that is written as a kind of response to Kreutzer sonata, but I think that novel can also be commented as a stand-alone story.

I was really amazed by this book, although I still haven’t made many conclusions.

The story is about the marriage of 18 yo Ana to much older “knez”. He is a rich and worldy man who knows Ana from her childhood years, but falls in love with her once she sees her as a young woman and actively pursues her. She is an inteligent, sensitive, moody, unexperienced and impressionable, but she seems to fall in love with him too. However, as the years go by it seems that there is something missing between them, like there is no true connection in their marriage and they frequently argue over various things which result in her emotional affair with his friend. While she does not enter in any physical relationship with his friend, her husband believes so, and murders her in a fit of rage.

The first distance is made once young Ana realises that her husband had many women before her, and she feels like her idea of love has been crushed. The husband seems annoyed by her idealistic view on love and marriage, and wishes she could be more practical and stable – but we don’t really get much insight into his thoughts on her. He doesn’t fully understand her, and seems to have limited understanding of women as a whole.

As I gather, from her POV she finds her husband’s love superficial, she thinks that he mainly desires her body, but that he isn’t involved and concerned with her “inner world”. As soon as they have sex, the husband’s affection fades. She doesn’t feel seen and understood by him, and she resents him for little interest he shows in her personally and especially their 4 kids, as well as for frequent and unfounded fits of jealousy. The husband is often jealous, selfish, sarcastic and uninterested in her hobbies and pursuits.

Nonetheless, she puts all the effort to make him happy and raise their kids. Somewhere in the middle of the novel, she meets his old friend and gradually connects with him. He is married without children, he seems like much softer and compassionate person and he shares some of her hobbies and interests. He also expresses more fatherly traits than her husband, as he is more interested in the couple’s children then the husband itself.

All these traits make him a much better match for philosophical and sensitive Ana – but out of respect for her family and her inner desire to keep their relationship “spiritual and meaningful” she never lets things move past friendship.

Either way, her husband violently murders her, and ironically, only once he commits that horrible act, he sees Ana as a person.

This might not be the main point, but I am not sure if Ana thinks that she would be truly happier with the other guy if she had met him first, or that the institution of marriage would destroy that love as well? I find this debate still relevant today as many people in turbulent marriages meet someone else who is better suited for them and this question remains. What is your main takeaway from this book?