Hey folks!
Tl;dr – I was born and raised in rural Virginia, as was my mother and I'm looking for books to help her gain a better of understanding of racism. I'd primarily like to hear from people of color who live/have lived in the US, but if there are some white folks with parents like mine who really resonated with a specific book, thos recs are also welcomed.
My mom is an, "I don't see color," type of white person who believes that racism = hating people who aren't white, and since she doesn't hate anyone, that means she isn't racist. I didn't get a non-whitewashed version of American history until I left for college and since she never went at all, she's still stuck in that same mindset and surrounded by people who think the same way (or worse).
I had a discussion with her recently and said if she wants to be close to me then I need her to be open to learning and growing. I'm the only person in her life who will challenge her on any of this and I feel it's my obligation to do so. I asked if she'd read a book about racism with me and she agreed.
There's no shortage of books on the history of racism in America, but I need to pick one that my mom will actually buy into. If it's too academic or assumes she has a baseline knowledge of systemic racism, it'll just go over her head.
The tone is important too. I know white guilt is just part of the process of unlearning and re-learning but I also know that if my mom feels like the book wants her to "feel guilty for being white", she won't finish it.
On the one hand, I don't want to coddle her. On the other hand, my ultimate goal is to find something approachable enough that she'll stick with it and get invested in the unlearning and re-learning process. I don't expect her to become a race traitor over night, but if I can just get her to a point where she can examine our history without getting so defensive, I can start to nudge her a little farther.
If y'all have any recommendations for me, I'd really appreciate it! Thank you for reading.
by VenusInAries666
4 Comments
Props to you for taking this on – that’s a tough conversation to navigate with family. For someone starting from “I don’t see color” territory, I’d recommend *Stamped from the Beginning* by Ibram X. Kendi. It walks through the historical progression of racist ideas in america without being preachy, and it’s structured in a way that shows how these systems developed rather than just pointing fingers.
The writing style is accessible but still detailed enough to really drive the points home, and Kendi does a good job of explaining how well-meaning people can still perpetuate harmful ideas without realizing it.
Questions: do you think she would do better with a non-fiction book, or fiction? I know a lot of my white friends were more impacted by The Help or Nickel Boys than a non-fiction book like How to Be an Antiracist, or Caste which does cover a lot of ground.
Also, what have you read that may have exposed racism and shifted your thinking? Theres a lot out there and I get your question, but trying to think of the best recommendation to help!
Driven Out: The Forgotten War On Chinese Americans
May not be what you’re looking for; but it definitely is about racism
The Color of Law by Richard Rothstein
Two GIs return home to the Bay Area from WW2 in the Pacific … one white, one black. White guy is allowed to get a govt backed GI mortgage for being a vet. Black vet does not receive the option because of his color. White vet borrows against his home 20 years later (that he now owns) to send his two kids to college. Not an option for the black vet. White vet dies in the 1990s and leaves his two professional children his home which they sell. Black vet rented in back Bay and had little to leave his high school educated kids.
The book gives real life examples like this that can explain systemic racism for folks who have trouble seeing it.