Isn’t that whole era basically a bunch of men thinking they are “Alpha” males and just being insanely creepy and expecting women owe them?
uggghhhggghhh on
TBH there could have been a version of this book that wasn’t toxic. There are a lot of men out there who are desperate for companionship and don’t know where to start. The problem is that they just frame everything as a “this is how you trick these people who aren’t worth your respect (because they’re so easily tricked and just because they’re women) into sleeping with you” rather than “here are some tactics that will help you flirt better which will be fun for you and for the women you flirt with, this will help you find a partner for romance so you won’t be lonely anymore!”
WaPo has now descended into the fratbro level of opinion pieces
Mission Accomplished by Bezos
gorgossiums on
Reminder to listen to If Books Could Kill talk about The Game. This article may end up as one of their Worst Takes of 2026!
SelectCattle on
No. This book is well written…. but just terrible. It has nothing to do with flirting. It has to do with mind games, insecurity, sad conceptions of masculinity, transactional relationships.
Its not worth revisiting. Its an artifact of an odd time and place and culture.
Spencaaarr on
Ahh yeah, let’s go back to harassing people.
guesting on
Pua culture is lame and predatory, but managing small talk is worth learning
frenchezz on
That book and the men who read it are a big part of the reason why the magic is gone from flirting. Too many asshats showed up wearing a fedora talking down to potential partners, so now whenever anyone attempts to flirt with someone there’s a natural barrier they have to overcome.
ak_doug on
Flirting is easy. This is the golden age of flirting, especially for straight dudes.
Basically you treat people with respect, and they realize you haven’t been red-pilled. Bam. You’ve suddenly have lots of attention. Then you display emotional maturity and listening skills.
That’s it. That’s the whole process.
lanejamin on
It’s so weird because I’m an autistic dude and I struggle to talk to anyone of any gender, and I feel like that’s what a lot of this weird incely pickup culture stuff came from originally. I don’t have scripts, exactly, but I have like, a mental rolodex of ways to politely have small talk with strangers or to flirt with people. (Knowing to compliment someone on something they put effort into, like nice clothing or their hair, not their natural appearance, or knowing fun conversation starters that aren’t the weather.) But pickup artistry creates this convoluted, almost eugenicist way of approaching basic human interactions. Women want someone who is nice, respectful, and texts them back. Why would you overcomplicate that so much.
RJL85 on
I never understood the initial response to this book, and I think a lot of it came from people who did not actually read it. The buzz around it seemed to be that it was lionizing the Pickup Artist lifestyle. I read The Game when I was 21 and very much the audience for it (awkward, didn’t date a lot, low self esteem) and my feeling was by the end of the book both the lifestyle and the guys in it are fully exposed as pathetic, toxic, and not at all viable. I know Neil Strauss sort of stayed in the scene afterwards, but the book itself read to me as more a cautionary tale than anything.
NowGoodbyeForever on
Ugh, I *desperately* wish this were a gift link, because I want to know what exactly the author thinks they’re doing here. It seems really fascinating, and there’s so many great angles to follow here. I would know, I was there.
I’m a guy. I was 18 or so when *The Game* dropped. I once went on a Boy’s Weekend trip with my best friends (and some random friends of theirs) and no fewer than *four dudes* brought this stupid fucking faux-leather tome with them.
So not only do I clearly remember the general atmosphere around this book’s publication, I also remember what it *did* to the other guys I knew. I read it myself, and it’s a pretty mediocre work of gonzo-esque journalism, mostly notable because it gave a name and a face to a subculture that had yet to crack mainstream recognition at that time.
*The Game* is about Neil Strauss, the author, falling in with what’s more or less an MLM/Cult run by a man who goes by the pseudonym “Mystery,” and how Strauss ends up getting swept into the movement, only to watch infighting and egos ultimately tear it apart. But he *also* makes sure to write at length about the several hot women he bones along the way.
What’s so fascinating to me about *The Game* is that it’s so clearly a book about sad men refusing to face their own fears and trauma. In so many ways, it’s kind of a perfect blueprint for what Redpill and Incel and GamerGate and Alt-Right communities would do in the following 20 years. These sad men gather in a bubble and convince each other that manipulating and dehumanizing women is the only way to get what they think they want (sex) out of them. For fuck’s sake, one of the men in the group *literally nicknames himself “Tyler Durden.”* It’s not subtle.
The problem is that most guys (including the author, honestly) missed the “cautionary tale of self-defeating emptiness” angle of the book, and just wanted more of Mystery’s Tips. A couple years later, Strauss literally did that: He published *Rules of the Game*, which far less of the self-analysis or journalistic stuff. Most of the book is a straightforward collection of routines, mantras, and social conditioning tricks that he learned from Mystery. Around the same time, Mystery got his own MTV reality show, *The Pickup Artist*.
When guys younger than me started talking about some annoying Professor from my hometown years later, it was like deja vu. So much of Jordan Peterson’s “advice” is more or less shit from *Rules of the Game*. Everything from Clean Your Room to a kind of 30-Day Self-Improvement Boot Camp. I cannot express enough how **almost every element of our current Right-Wing Manosphere Hell can be found almost verbatim in Strauss’ books from 20 years ago.**
If there’s anything that is unrecognizable today, it’s the arena that men ostensibly meet women. I was (and still remain) a nerdy, non-aggressive guy. I didn’t have the killer instinct to “close” at bars and clubs; my vibe was more of a rom-com type of thing. People realized over time that I was a sweetheart, and we’d date. I remember the appeal of something like this book promising to give me the secrets of charisma when I’d need them most.
Now people just…yell at each other online? It’s a fucking nightmare. The internet doesn’t feel safe because it *isn’t*, and nobody really agrees on basic social rules of conduct. You might be DMing someone some consensual flirty comments over Discord, and they might be screencapping it to send to a friend for some light mockery. You might have a brief interaction with someone online, and then they’ll dig up your entire social post history and find all of your alt accounts along the way.
At least *The Game* was built on a (flawed, sexist, tragic) belief that **men need to do something** ***positive or memorable*** **to win a woman’s attention.** From close-up magic to a bright pink bowtie to casually insulting her appearance, Strauss/Mystery were giving guys a script to follow.
The script is somehow *much fucking worse* today. But I’m sure guys are still desperate for *some sort of guidelines* to follow. I’m just sorry that their options are so piss-poor.
12 Comments
Isn’t that whole era basically a bunch of men thinking they are “Alpha” males and just being insanely creepy and expecting women owe them?
TBH there could have been a version of this book that wasn’t toxic. There are a lot of men out there who are desperate for companionship and don’t know where to start. The problem is that they just frame everything as a “this is how you trick these people who aren’t worth your respect (because they’re so easily tricked and just because they’re women) into sleeping with you” rather than “here are some tactics that will help you flirt better which will be fun for you and for the women you flirt with, this will help you find a partner for romance so you won’t be lonely anymore!”
That probably wouldn’t have sold so well though, sadly. The “If Books Could Kill” podcast did a pretty great episode on this. [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-game/id1651876897?i=1000588298127](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-game/id1651876897?i=1000588298127)
WaPo has now descended into the fratbro level of opinion pieces
Mission Accomplished by Bezos
Reminder to listen to If Books Could Kill talk about The Game. This article may end up as one of their Worst Takes of 2026!
No. This book is well written…. but just terrible. It has nothing to do with flirting. It has to do with mind games, insecurity, sad conceptions of masculinity, transactional relationships.
Its not worth revisiting. Its an artifact of an odd time and place and culture.
Ahh yeah, let’s go back to harassing people.
Pua culture is lame and predatory, but managing small talk is worth learning
That book and the men who read it are a big part of the reason why the magic is gone from flirting. Too many asshats showed up wearing a fedora talking down to potential partners, so now whenever anyone attempts to flirt with someone there’s a natural barrier they have to overcome.
Flirting is easy. This is the golden age of flirting, especially for straight dudes.
Basically you treat people with respect, and they realize you haven’t been red-pilled. Bam. You’ve suddenly have lots of attention. Then you display emotional maturity and listening skills.
That’s it. That’s the whole process.
It’s so weird because I’m an autistic dude and I struggle to talk to anyone of any gender, and I feel like that’s what a lot of this weird incely pickup culture stuff came from originally. I don’t have scripts, exactly, but I have like, a mental rolodex of ways to politely have small talk with strangers or to flirt with people. (Knowing to compliment someone on something they put effort into, like nice clothing or their hair, not their natural appearance, or knowing fun conversation starters that aren’t the weather.) But pickup artistry creates this convoluted, almost eugenicist way of approaching basic human interactions. Women want someone who is nice, respectful, and texts them back. Why would you overcomplicate that so much.
I never understood the initial response to this book, and I think a lot of it came from people who did not actually read it. The buzz around it seemed to be that it was lionizing the Pickup Artist lifestyle. I read The Game when I was 21 and very much the audience for it (awkward, didn’t date a lot, low self esteem) and my feeling was by the end of the book both the lifestyle and the guys in it are fully exposed as pathetic, toxic, and not at all viable. I know Neil Strauss sort of stayed in the scene afterwards, but the book itself read to me as more a cautionary tale than anything.
Ugh, I *desperately* wish this were a gift link, because I want to know what exactly the author thinks they’re doing here. It seems really fascinating, and there’s so many great angles to follow here. I would know, I was there.
I’m a guy. I was 18 or so when *The Game* dropped. I once went on a Boy’s Weekend trip with my best friends (and some random friends of theirs) and no fewer than *four dudes* brought this stupid fucking faux-leather tome with them.
So not only do I clearly remember the general atmosphere around this book’s publication, I also remember what it *did* to the other guys I knew. I read it myself, and it’s a pretty mediocre work of gonzo-esque journalism, mostly notable because it gave a name and a face to a subculture that had yet to crack mainstream recognition at that time.
*The Game* is about Neil Strauss, the author, falling in with what’s more or less an MLM/Cult run by a man who goes by the pseudonym “Mystery,” and how Strauss ends up getting swept into the movement, only to watch infighting and egos ultimately tear it apart. But he *also* makes sure to write at length about the several hot women he bones along the way.
What’s so fascinating to me about *The Game* is that it’s so clearly a book about sad men refusing to face their own fears and trauma. In so many ways, it’s kind of a perfect blueprint for what Redpill and Incel and GamerGate and Alt-Right communities would do in the following 20 years. These sad men gather in a bubble and convince each other that manipulating and dehumanizing women is the only way to get what they think they want (sex) out of them. For fuck’s sake, one of the men in the group *literally nicknames himself “Tyler Durden.”* It’s not subtle.
The problem is that most guys (including the author, honestly) missed the “cautionary tale of self-defeating emptiness” angle of the book, and just wanted more of Mystery’s Tips. A couple years later, Strauss literally did that: He published *Rules of the Game*, which far less of the self-analysis or journalistic stuff. Most of the book is a straightforward collection of routines, mantras, and social conditioning tricks that he learned from Mystery. Around the same time, Mystery got his own MTV reality show, *The Pickup Artist*.
When guys younger than me started talking about some annoying Professor from my hometown years later, it was like deja vu. So much of Jordan Peterson’s “advice” is more or less shit from *Rules of the Game*. Everything from Clean Your Room to a kind of 30-Day Self-Improvement Boot Camp. I cannot express enough how **almost every element of our current Right-Wing Manosphere Hell can be found almost verbatim in Strauss’ books from 20 years ago.**
If there’s anything that is unrecognizable today, it’s the arena that men ostensibly meet women. I was (and still remain) a nerdy, non-aggressive guy. I didn’t have the killer instinct to “close” at bars and clubs; my vibe was more of a rom-com type of thing. People realized over time that I was a sweetheart, and we’d date. I remember the appeal of something like this book promising to give me the secrets of charisma when I’d need them most.
Now people just…yell at each other online? It’s a fucking nightmare. The internet doesn’t feel safe because it *isn’t*, and nobody really agrees on basic social rules of conduct. You might be DMing someone some consensual flirty comments over Discord, and they might be screencapping it to send to a friend for some light mockery. You might have a brief interaction with someone online, and then they’ll dig up your entire social post history and find all of your alt accounts along the way.
At least *The Game* was built on a (flawed, sexist, tragic) belief that **men need to do something** ***positive or memorable*** **to win a woman’s attention.** From close-up magic to a bright pink bowtie to casually insulting her appearance, Strauss/Mystery were giving guys a script to follow.
The script is somehow *much fucking worse* today. But I’m sure guys are still desperate for *some sort of guidelines* to follow. I’m just sorry that their options are so piss-poor.