Sexual Repulsion and Sexual Attraction

I’m looking for a book where the main character goes through a cycle of being repulsed by sexual acts and being attracted to it. This could include the protagonist being plagued with fantasies but be repulsed with themselves. Or a hyper sexual character who use sex as self harm (like bdsm). They could be traumatized by sexual assault or religious trauma. I’m okay with everything expect slavery and looking for a “realistic” book but could be absurd.