Hi everyone!
I hope all of you are having a good day. I am reaching out to see if anyone has any recommendations for my partner to read. Typically, they aren't a nonfiction reader, but they have an analytical mindset that I think would be able to actually understand research backed nonfiction as well as essay sets. So, here is the background, I (35NBF) am a free spirited, overwhelmingly caring person, who did not get raised in the Christian (or adjacent) churches. I was raised on tales of Hellanism (think ancient Greek gods) and an idea of basically be a kind and good person. My partner (32NBM) was raised Mormon. They have been out of the church for three years and we have been together two. I have help build a safe space for my partner to explore their identity and self in a nurturing way that also doesn't overwhelm them.
They have made great strides in becoming who they are now and I couldn't be prouder. However, I want my partner to understand somethings that they may be hanging onto from the church. I have noticed behaviors that I think they should get some perception on (waaay small behaviors otherwise I would call them out) such as some internal misogyny, maybe some PTSD about authority, self-image control, and other stigmas they may be rooted in their upbringing. I did order them the book Devout by David Archuleta about leaving the church because of David's being of the LGBTQA community (YES, THE ALPHABET MAFIA STRIKES AGAIN HAHAHA) and hopefully that will be enlightening. But I am always of the thought the more you read the more you understand. So, the more books the merrier. Also, if anyone wants to recommend books for me to read so I understand the situation better, I will gladly take the recommendations.
Also, I would like to note, I am pushing for my partner to go to therapy because there is only so much, I can do as a nonprofessional.
by sromines1990
1 Comment
Daryl Van Tongeren has some great psychological work on religious “Dones” – people who have left religion and the psychological consequences of it. It doesn’t focus specifically on LDS folks, but does cover “religious residue” – how some things and ways of thinking can be sticky even after one leaves religion. Even if they want to move away from those sticky bits.
His book, “Done” is short and excellent. I think both Dones and their partners would get a lot out of it. If you have access to his empirical journal articles, you can also read the primary research (the religious residue stuff is probably the most relevant).
He and Sara Showalter Van Tongeren also have a therapist’s guide to helping clients unpack religious change that is coming out this summer (Sacred Unraveling is the title). It isn’t really targeted to a non-therapist audience, but would give some valuable evidence-based perspectives.