"The Things they Carried" is a fantastic little book about the life and times of a soldier during the Vietnam war. It describes in stomach-churning detail the horror of the whole affair with its wanton violence and the oppressive atmosphere of a jungle full of death bearing down on each and every man in the field.
It also captures the charm of the quiet moments where they simply basked in the sensation of still being alive. It's an excellent read but the thing that stuck out most to me was something he wrote before any of the fighting breaks out. I wish I could find the page but I'll paraphrase as best as possible.
"Everyone wants to imagine themselves as a hero. We carry this notion that every time we are cowardly, we are simply saving that energy for when we rocket into action to save the day some time in the future. Courage isn't stored up, it's practiced and developed."
It's ironic because the author later states explicitly that war stories have no morals and don't portray models of good behavior, but this is a thought I keep circling back to in my day to day. Every time I'm faced with challenging circumstances, I've come to appreciate me backing down is not a tactical retreat to act even braver later, it's a moment of growth I've intentionally dodged.
I hope this year I face life a bit more head on and not just trust future me to be bold enough to fight battles I couldn't in the present
by SawkyScribe