books for someone who spend their whole life escaping and running away from the reality

i just realised few days ago that i've spend whole my life of 25yrs in escaping it. every moment full of rush, hurry, worry, anxiety… always trying to escape it. when i looked back, i could only come up with 4 moments in my whole life where i was not escaping and was living in the moment. my life is fucked. my health, finance, country that i live in, social life, family life, love life, career, mental health… all of it sucks and my solution is to try to escape it through books, movies, songs, etc. im looking for some books that might resonate with the situation that im in. i really love sad books that make me sob. would love to hear your recs <3<3<3