This is my book that I am writing so far. It’s in the process of being completed and there are a lot of grammar mistakes. Does anyone have any advice? Or could someone help me revise it?
Chapter one is confusing at first, but will make sense towards the end of the book. The first paragraph that is separated from the others is information tu it’s at the beginning of each chapter.
Fey lived a lot longer than mortals, spanning from about 3 to 4 thousand years, they were immune to all mortal diseases and natural disasters didn’t occur in any Fey towns and cities, hence their long life. Most Fey don’t have wings, only female royalty and a few other female Fey that were lucky or have slight descent from royal blood, all Fey were unnaturally beautiful, they were perfect.
More of the bread disappeared today; it hadn’t fazed me before, but the amount of bread gone now was a larger portion than yesterday. Logan, a tall, broad shouldered, blue eyed, dirty blond male, thought, and he knelt down to check up on exactly how much bread was left. “We need more bread.” he yelled to his wife, Lorrane.
“Why so?” Lorrane, a short, skinny, attractive, green eyed, black haired woman, yelled back, coming over to where Logan knelt. “I thought we had plenty of bread for them.”
“There must be more of them than we thought.” Logan thought out loud. “The amount of bread we put out yesterday was enough for a couple hundred people and for a couple days, If it’s already gone, there could be closer to thousands.”
“There can’t be that many of them!” Loranne gasped, clutching her gold pearl necklace. “That could be the whole entire village of Dormaine.”
“It actually could be, you’re right.” Logan said concerningly, “Dormaine people could still be out there, they were attacked about a month ago.”
“You’re not serious, are you?” Loranne asked, concerned. “I didn’t hear about this. How many survived?”
“I don’t know a lot of the details, the higher people would probably know but what I do know is that they think a lot survived. Closer to the two thousands is what I would guess.” Logan answered, Standing up and heading inside. “Come on, we need more bread.”
“At this rate we won’t be able to eat anything, we need to get others to help us.” Loranne suggested. “I can start at the neighbors.”
“We won’t need help yet, but we will soon.” Logan replied, “You can tell them and if they offer to help we will let them. But we will not ask for them specifically to help.”
“Ok, I’ll run over to the neighbors.”
Logan stuck around for a bit in the backyard before he saw a small movement in the bushes. Probably one of them. He thought. “You can come out, I’m friendly. I’ve been leaving bread out here for you guys.”
“I’m all set, thanks.” A scratchy voice said. Logan caught a glimpse of the thing that the voice belongs to, it looked like pure skin and bone, like it hadn’t eaten in days, maybe weeks.
That’s the end of chapter one, is there anything I could change about it?
Chapter two will be out shortly!!
by NightOwl0917