So I read “They Both Die at the End” and I didn’t like it [Spoilers]

Now, I’m not saying it’s a bad book. I think it just didn’t resonate with me personally because my understanding is that it’s generally reviewed well, and it was recommended to me multiple times.

But, I’m just amazed because the book touched on things that I think about daily, “should I be taking more risks?”, “how could i get myself to take those risks?”, “how am I going to die?”, “when am I going to die?”, “how will others react to my death?”

I’m always pondering these and yet I feel like the book didn’t really have anything interesting to say about them? I guess my own perspective on these things is so different from the main characters that I couldn’t relate to them very well.

The character I relate most to is Delilah, the one who thinks the fact that she’s dying is just a prank, only to realize in her last moments that it’s real, and that she wasted her final day on Earth, which I guess should maybe be an occasion for self-reflection. Rationally, if there’s any character you should want to not be like it’s Delilah (and I guess Peck, the shooter). But I’m fine with being Delilah in a spiritual way. I feel like my personal values (going with the flow, stoicism, stubbornness, undying faith in oneself) tell me that it’s fine to be Delilah, even if it seems twisted to other people.

One thing I loved is how they jump off a cliff in “Puerto Rico” and how this becomes a metaphor for having the courage to take risks more generally. I literally jumped off of a bridge in Puerto Rico last spring, and I think it is a very instructive experience. The most difficult moment is the one right before you jump. The first millisecond I was in the air, I realized I would be okay. And I think a lot of risks in life feel that way; it can be very helpful to remember that once you jump, everything will feel fine.

But aside from that, I just didn’t feel that the events in the book were emotionally impactful. Maybe I’m too old to relate to the characters (I’m 23 😭) or maybe I found it difficult to suspend my disbelief around the logistics of the deathcast thing (I’ve never enjoyed stories involving fate) or maybe falling in love in 1 day is too romantic for me or maybe I struggle to get invested in characters when I already know the end of the story.

Matteo is a frustrating character to me. He feels so extreme that he’s a caricature. He can’t even leave the house at the beginning? Rufus has to come pick him up? I guess that makes for more dramatic character growth, but it just makes him so damn unrelatable. And he’s always interjecting these quips about things he finds annoying about the world, where I feel like you inherently need to be unbothered by that stuff. Like he’s a bit too conscientious for me, and there was no development in that area throughout the book (not that there needs to be, it’s not even a flaw/weakness necessarily).

Rufus is enjoyable as a character. However, I feel like I failed to understand who he is or what motivates him. He feels like Matteo’s passive guide or maybe his sidekick (he’s sidekicking from the front, if you will). Like I realize they sometimes trade-off making decisions, but Matteo mostly sets the agenda. I find Rufus’s patience for Matteo (on their last day alive no less) to be saintly, to the point where it’s frustrating that another human could be so virtuous in relation to myself. Maybe I’m just not a good enough person to appreciate this book. But we learn basically nothing about what Rufus’s life was before his parents died (unless I forgot or missed it), and maybe it’s because he was so changed by that event, that whatever came before it isn’t relevant, but I feel like we could have understood him much more as a character if we knew something beyond “he had a grieving period and sadness and nightmares and his new found-family is super important to him.”

I guess I’ll talk about the romance. For me, there could have been more tension-building. Rufus knows what Matteo is *really* asking when they’re on the swings and Matteo asks if anything’s changed for Rufus, but I don’t really see how we got there. I guess their legs brushed together in Matteo’s half-dug grave, and they stood guard for each other while they napped on the subway, and they had a bit more physical contact on the monkey bars and on Rufus’s bike, but I feel like the “building tension” isn’t reflected very much in how they interact with or speak with each other? Again, maybe I’m missing something.

Then, my last complaint is that it’s too dramatic for me. “I’ll hold up a giant neon sign for you in the afterlife so that you can immediately find me, (person I’ve known for one day).” I realize it’s fiction, and that this type of exaggeration is appealing to some people. Call me a cynic, but I just don’t find it compelling, even in the name of love.

So that’s my meandering review. I’ll be amazed if anyone reads all of it. I guess my conclusion is that I’m too flawed to relate to this book. I am impatient and stubborn and cynical and cavalier.

by Praesto_Omnibus