Review of Unorthodox by Deborah Feldman

Unorthodox by Deborah Feldman is a powerful memoir, written succinctly with elegant prose and direct language. It’s personal, honest, as Feldman shares her unique truth fearlessly.

It is too short, but basically this book is about the first half of her life. Feldman has since written about the latter half, which I hope to also read. The core of Unorthodox is not about how she became “unorthodox” and embraced a secular life in the modern world, but rather is about how she was raised ultra-orthodox in such a stifling and punishing world.

The Hasidic Jewish community in Brooklyn, specifically the Satmar group as opposed to all the different ones, might as well be from another time let alone another country. Lifelong New Yorkers wouldn’t even recognize the world she describes. It is cruel, hypocritical, and is concerned with patriarchal control far more than anything that could be defined as spiritual religiosity.

Without even getting into debates about mainstream Judaism, the legacy of religion on humanity, and philosophical questions about atheism and the supernatural, it’s important to remember that this cult does not represent the vast majority of Jews. They are a minority of a minority, although they do have too much political power in some places but that is not the subject of this particular review.

The book is a window into an insular world which outsiders rarely get to learn about. That said, it is author Deborah Feldman’s story and she would not presume to speak for all Jews or even all Hasids. Her experiences are her own. She is, however, based on that an expert in a sense.

The narrative is mostly chronological, beginning with her childhood and explaining the circumstances of her family. Her mother left long ago, and her father appeared to be mentally ill without treatment due to religious fundamentalism. She was raised by her grandparents, whom she does love, although they do have their flaws. The extended relatives and in-laws who surrounded her in this family-focused community are often awful people, judgmental and petty who seem to get off on telling others what to do.

Jewish readers will find some of the culture familiar, and other aspects very strange. These are your average Jews. Even though they live in the biggest city in America, Yiddish is their mother tongue and they look down on the English language. And as pedantic as they can be with following every little letter of the Talmudic law, there are constant rumors of child molestation and even murder that people get away with. It seems very hard to argue that this somehow fosters a superior morality compared to secular laws.

The focus is especially on women, who have few rights are not allowed a full education. Feldman finds herself in an arranged marriage at 17 and pressured into getting pregnant young. Without any sex education, she is traumatized again and again. And her husband is just not a figure of respect, to put it mildly, who even gives her an STI. Throughout it all, she insists on hiding away novels and continuing her love of reading and learning, and remains an independent thinker. It shows remarkable spirt and willpower, while her peers were barely literate she comes out of it an accomplished writer.

It is unfortunate so many others were left behind. There is a growing movement of young people leaving, but it’s quite an uphill battle. Something I learned in reading this book, is how much the ultra-orthodox obsess over the tragedy of the Holocaust. It is fair, of course, since many of elderly lived through the war directly and remained traumatized their whole life. But the way it is framed as “God’s punishment” for sin, it is clear that the suffering is now used as a method of control by what can only be described as a cult. There is something about human nature that sadly responds to extreme negativity, letting these kinds of emotions manipulate everything until people barely have the ability to think. And yet these people consider themselves scholars.

In truth, their ancestors in Europe did not live this way. The ultra-orthodox Hasid religion is a modern movement, constructed after the horrors of the second world war. It is not healthy, it is not bringing any kind of light to the world, and only continues the cycle of suffering.

The tagline of the book states “my scandalous rejection”, but the scandal is that so much abuse is allowed to continue in seemingly modern, human rights-respecting societies to this day. That may be a topic for another article, about education standards in New York or current political influences in Israel. The hopeful thing is, after reading this book, more and more young people are rejecting this lifestyle. Unorthodox just happens to tell of Deborah Feldman, and she is far from the only one.

She does escape with her son in the end, which happens somewhat abruptly after she slowly takes more steps in her adulthood such as going to college, and mostly the transition is a story for her next book aptly titled Exodus. There is also a Netflix adaptation, which is named after Unorthodox but is focused on its aftermath. This book is about her past, where she came from, and what she must move beyond. Unfortunately, in the 21st century, it’s a story so many people still need to read.

by raelianautopsy