Have you ever been on the bus or sitting on a bench or alone in a restaurant, reading a book, and then had a perfect stranger ask “Hey there! What’re you reading ?”. If I were a bit more comfortable with being rude I would slam my book shut and reply “Nothing NOW !”. Instead I usually show the cover and launch into a mumbling account of what I’m reading and why despite the obviously dissipating interest of my questioner. Suppose I’m reading some transgressive horror novel with a garish cover ? Or a biography of Joseph Goebbels or Jeffrey Dahmer (this has actually happened ). Suddenly, the guy who was sitting there and minding his own business with a book is put on the defensive, forced to explain why I’m really not a bad person for my choice of reading matter. If it’s a friend or partner who knows or understands me, I appreciate their curiosity and see it as a chance to have a meaningful conversation.
Take another example. Yesterday I was deep into the autobiography by Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth. My 85 year old aunt yanked me out of my immersion with the dreaded “What are you reading ?”. I know my answer was somewhat rude but it was the truth – “Believe me, it’s about someone you never heard of and wouldn’t be interested in.” Peevishly she retorted that she wanted to know anyway. So here I am telling an 85 year old woman with eyes swiftly glassing over, who Thurston Moore and Sonic Youth were and how his creative harnessing of feedback and noise moved rock n roll in new directions and how I may be in love with his ex-wife but that’s just my tough luck…ok I actually didn’t get that deeply into it but I did have to explain who Thurston Moore is to a woman who’d interrupted me and couldn’t care less. Damned if I was going to drag Kim Gordon into it. That’s my own private pain even if Auntie is family. But overall, how do you, my fellow bookworms and only friends, feel when that dread voice crashes down between your imagination and the narrative before you – “Hey, what ya readin’ ?!”
I suppose it could be worse. In one of his bits, the late comedian Bill Hicks tells of being approached by a Mississippi waitress with the question “Hey, WHY you readin’ ?” to which he responded “So I don’t wind up as a waitress in Mississippi”. Please share with me your thoughts, opinions, quirks and horror stories about facing down this question.
by TeddyDog55
15 Comments
What? This? Its a detailed seminar on how to mind your own fucking business and includes strategies for observing when people dont want to be bothered.
I would comment but honestly it’s rude of you to even ask what I would say if someone asked what I was reading. Like who asked you to ask me that?
“I’m reading Walden. It’s about someone who wants to be left alone.”
(Not original, I read this somewhere.)
“The Subtle Art of Minding Your Own Business, I highly recommend it!” But in all seriousness, a simple “it’s personal” is straight to the point and should prevent further inquiries from a stranger. I will say that if it’s someone I know (friend, co worker, family member) I don’t think it’s that intrusive, and more like they’re showing an interest or trying to connect. I often like to know what my friends are reading, cause chances are I might like it as well.
I don’t get why this is a big deal. If someone ask me that, I usually just name the title. Then it’ll normally followed by “oh is it nice?”, then I’ll tell them what I think about the book. Just a pleasant small talk all around. Not everything needs to be responded with witty comments or hostility.
It varies, for me. If I’m obviously absorbed in the book and/or it’s just a gambit to start a conversation – annoying AF.
If I’ve paused from reading/it’s a genuine interest I don’t mind too much – last time it happened I had a nice chat at a bus stop with someone who was interested in expanding her reading habits so she was collecting ideas from folks she saw reading in the wild.
Not really. I just show them or tell them the title. And then if they ask what it’s about I’ll mention the genre and a brief vague overview of what I’ve read so far. And then go back to my book.
I don’t think it’s a big deal, because I’ve asked people the title of a book or the author because the cover looked interesting. I’m all for expanding ones horizons or offer suggestions, but I do make it clear, in a hopefully polite but firm manner, that I’m not interested in small talk.
I don’t know.. I’m sort of a nerd, so anytime I can get someone to go down whatever book rabbit hole I’m on at the time, I’m in.
I personally don’t mind this at all, but I’m an extrovert and I’m always down to share what I’m reading
Honestly I’d be happy if someone would approach me over a book I’m reading in bus etc. Only a fellow booklover would be interested in what you are reading and how it is.
And nothing better than a booktalk with someone who appreciates books as much as I do.
It does not drive me crazy. I read at home, so I’ve never had this problem. Personally, can’t imagine being in public and not being immersed in my surroundings/thoughts about my surroundings.
Just remember that there is no space that exists that is a “movie theater” for books. No one talks to you at a movie theater because people are collectively immersed in the film and it is expected behavior in that environment. If you are out in public reading, expected behavior is up to different interpretations, and no one is immersed in your book but you. Totally natural to be approached, even if you look approachable or not. Set yourself up to not be bothered by reading in private, or be able to communicate that you’d rather read than have conversation.
As an introvert, I’d much rather chat with someone about what I’m reading than just about anything else. So for me, if someone is gonna talk to me, I’d take this as a win.
No, because I’m usually the curious one asking whenever I see someone with a book.
Luckily I’m now a middle-aged woman so it rarely happens anymore. But back when I was a bit more superficially attractive I had two responses.
Person who waited for a natural break in my reading to ask sorry do you mind me asking what book your reading. Name of book, author and yes I’m enjoying it, no I’m not. Withdraw from conversation.
Person who pulls me out of immersion, give them a look like they shat on the table and hiss ‘I’m reading’ like a feral cat.
Doesn;’t bother me. I’ll tell them.