I (24F) come from a middle-class family, and we have five siblings in our family. In my country, that’s considered a large family. While my parents aren’t poor and earn a decent income, they are extremely frugal with their spending. My parents are the kind of people who can earn 600 bucks a day but only spend less than 10 bucks to feed our family of seven (mostly on carbohydrates and discounted vegetables).
My mom saves every penny she earns to buy a house. I remember wearing the same school uniform for six years, and it had holes in it. I begged my mom to get me a new one, but she didn’t replace it even after I graduated from high school. So, during high school, I felt quite insecure/no confidence. My mom has always told me that earning money is hard work, and every cent must be saved to buy a house. She has money anxiety, and I feel like I’ve inherited that anxiety from her.
During the pandemic, my mom had passive rental income, which provided a good monthly income, enough to support the whole family. However, because of her money anxiety, she asked me for money. We had a small argument at that time, and I asked her why she, with a decent monthly income, would ask money from someone just starting in the workforce?
Now, here’s the main issue: I feel like I’ve inherited my mom’s anxiety. I’ve been working for two years, and my monthly income is average, neither great nor terrible.
Next month, I’m about to step out of my comfort zone. I need to quit my full-time job and study in Germany. I’m currently living each day with intense anxiety, and I haven’t submitted my resignation letter yet. I’m constantly worried about what will happen if I quit and have no income. (International students in Germany are allowed to work part time)
But in reality, I have savings. I just don’t understand why others are comfortable spending when they earn money, while I’m constantly anxious.
Can anyone here recommend books or similar stories for me to read? Or any others method to reduce my anxiety? I want to step out of my comfort zone and study abroad. I hope reading such stories can help reduce my anxiety.
by hayley1177
1 Comment
Anxiety doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do something.
If you don’t go, you will grieve over “I should of”
If you go ” you will worry about “what if”
There is a part in Cormac McCarthy’s The Road.
The boy asks “How do I know if you’re one of the good guys?” The Man replies “you don’t. You’ll just have to take a shot.”
Ibn Al- Qayyim said “Do no ruin your happiness with worry, and do not ruin your mind with pessimism. Do not ruin your success with deception and do not ruin your optimism of others by destroying it.”
My 2 cents
So many ” what ifs” in our lives and so many things out of your control. A life without regrets, a life giving you safe passage with comfort, and no heart breaks, you are asking life to give you what it’s unwilling to give. You have to treat life like a beast. A beast that wants to make your retreat into the fetal position before it leaves you alone. Show courage and it will reward you.
You can run to your cozy comfort zone, but it will eventually Shrink into a prison.