Some background just to better explain what I'm looking for in a book:
I've noticed I feel literally paralyzed when talking to cis heterosexual men (or people I assume are). This happens when I go dates, appraising potential male partners, or even just interacting with men in passing. I don't know how to act or 'be myself'. Sometimes I don't even REALLY like the guy, but I feel that I still need to act friendly, 'quirky', feminine, and likeable. Just found some terms that apply: self-surveillance, double consciousness, the male gaze, etc.
I've noticed I usually don't feel this way if the man is bisexual or trans, or tangibly demonstrates that they're very 'open minded', or nonchalant about gender and sexuality. This also never happens with women, who I am also attracted to because I'm bisexual.
So yeah, looking for a book that heavily discusses this phenomenon, and gives advice for how to unlearn and unpack these feelings.
Of course, looking for non-fiction, but if a fiction book heavily revolved around this, it'd be awesome.
Bonus points if it touches upon being LGBTQ+ in some way.
Big bonus points if it touches upon being a Black woman specifically, or female of color.
by caosemeralds