A ‘self-help’ book for people who don’t want to exist?

I’m not suicidal, I’m not ‘depressed and anxious’ so I’m not looking for self-help books regarding working through that.

I just… don’t want to exist? I never have? I grew up in a trauma filled environment where I never felt safe, I saw and went through adult issues that kids never should have, etc. I struggled with self-worth and never felt happiness, then ended up marrying my first boyfriend who never made me feel loved or valued or happy either, only to be going through a divorce at 26.

I struggle with existential thinking and just don’t understand why I have to be alive or why I am, or why any of us are. I feel like life has been pain after pain and pain and I just am filled with so much love to give others and I just want to love and care for people, but I just don’t feel the same back.

Anyway, I need a book to help with that. Like, what’s the point?

For the record, I see a therapist.

For the double record, I have ZERO interest in any religious centered books.