Unsurprisingly, I am a young millenial/elder gen Z experiencing what I'm hoping is almost a rite of passage. I went through a bad breakup, we basically shared all of our friends and can no longer be in the same room so things are weird for our friends. I know it's not cool to say, and that we're adults and people can hold friendships in different spaces. But I'm petty and sober and I want my girl friends to hate my ex with me. I'm looking around my life and asking – have I ever been happy? do I like my friends? Do I like people at all? Do I even know how to know another person? Can i be a good friend? Do I like the life I think I had been convinced I wanted to at least pretend to have? I know I don't like my job (tech) or myself (wreck). And I'm trying to understand if I'm being judgmental and negative and maybe a bit depressed for questioning the people I've surrounded myself with and what we do together, or are there other people out there who also have reflected on their lifestyle and moved on?
I went to an 'elite' work hard, play hard college and still am surrounded by friends from that school. We're all white, all privileged, all live in an East Coast city, and I have very few experiences with these people where we are not three sheets to wind. We have surface level conversations and are mostly drinking and doing jokes and bits when we do hang out. We do bottomless brunches and go to concerts until 4am. No one wants to have kids and no one wants to talk about feelings. I'm not drinking, and I am going through it, and those people have not changed but I just cannot get myself to feel joy in that space anymore. And I kind of feel like a bitch for it? Is there any memoir/fiction/magic book out there that could tell me it's fine that that era of life might be something I move past, or how it's okay and not petty to distance yourself from people your ex is still friends with? C'mon reddit do your magic, solve my very specific problem!
by Bubbly_Answer
3 Comments
Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker;
Untamed by Glennon Doyle;
Braving the Wilderness and Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown
Trust your gut on your friends. It’s always okay to move on from relationships you’ve outgrown. Just try to do it kindly in case at some point you’d like to rekindle them.
It might not be exactly what you’re looking for, but Starlight by ML Briggs is a sci-fi novel about loss, isolation, and hopelessness, and the painful rediscovery of hope. It’s set in a world where everything feels broken and controlled, the MC wants things to be different. It’s not a memoir, but if you’re feeling stuck or alone, it might meet you where you are.
I would piggyback on Braving the Wilderness and Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown. Rising Strong is also a solid Brene Brown pick.
Something quite specifically about sobriety and mental health that I highly recommend is Nothing Good Can Come of This by Kristi Coulter. Part essay collection part memoir, really well written. It sounds from your post like you are a relatively high achieving/functioning person, so you may well find Coulter very relatable.
Fiction books that might be relatable while also just giving you a story to fall into: The Bean Trees and Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver.