August 2025
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    I was the target audience for this book when it came out. Read it in HS, enjoyed it. Became a librarian, spent my first few months as a YA librarian on goodreasa reading reviews on all the books I enjoyed over my life. Realized people hate POBAW. I was like, I don't remember it being that bad. I checked the book out again because I was bored and I have been rereading books the last few years. It was pretty good.. better than I remembered. But the point of this post, is that I have been thinking alot about one quote.

    "It's like when my doctor told me the story of these two brothers whose dad was a bad alcoholic. One brother grew up to be a successful carpenter and never drank. The other brother ended up being a drinker as bad as his dad was. When they asked the first brother why he didn't drink, he said that after he saw what it did to his father, he could never bring himself to even try it. When they asked the other brother, he said that he guessed he learned how to drink on his father's knee. So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

    Nothing incredibly profound but it's true, we either repeat the cycle when we witness things, or we decide to never go down that path.

    Just wanted to share.

    by ivyandroses112233

    37 Comments

    1. RadioactiveBarbie on

      Interesting, I’ve never met anyone who didn’t like the book, it’s ridiculously popular and is now considered a classic. GoodReads is a platform I hate so I don’t take their ratings too seriously (or ratings whatsoever honestly). It is on my reread list. Was my favorite book of all time when I read it, up to last year

    2. I don’t know how, but the first time I read the book I didn’t pick up on the child sexual assault at all. I only realized it in the second reading a few years later. It made the book a lot more ominous for me, but I still do like it. It was very emotional and nuanced.

    3. I’ve come back to this book a lot.

      This, “we accept the love we think we deserve”, and Charlie’s struggles were maybe the first time I’d felt like a character’s trauma, but also hope and outlook, were wholly relatable in fiction.

      It’s also one of the very movie adaptations that I feel did decent service to the material and message.

    4. FlapgoleSitta on

      I didn’t know people hated this book! It’s my absolute favorite book, even as an adult now. I love any book that highlights trauma and a mental health journey, but this book did it so exceptionally well that it will always be my favorite. I love that as the reader, it felt like Charlie was our friend and writing to us. There’s so many lessons in this book, I love the one you highlighted. I also love the lesson of we accept the love we think we deserve. I regularly remind myself of this. I think everyone should read this book tbh.

    5. I have never read The Perks of being a Wallflower…I’m in my late 30s. Should I read it when thought I’m not the age the book is for?

    6. iverybadatnames on

      I read this book for the first time when I was much older than the targeted audience. I can definitely understand how it would resonate with younger readers. It’s written in a very accessible way and many teenagers can probably relate to that feeling of finally finding your tribe.

      I like that quote from the book. I think it’s a good reminder that a person can love and accept where they came from without feeling like they are stuck in that life. Important things to think about when you’re just getting started on the journey to adulthood.

    7. Due_Tower_4787 on

      I think You and I are in a similar age range OP! That being said I also read this in High School and it’s resonated with Me ever since (for various reasons) I never forgot this one quote:

      “I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won’t tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn’t change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have.”

      It’s wild because my daughter just turned 5. Keeping this in mind always. I’ve found there are so many beautiful moments of wisdom written in a simple way. Such as the classic – but absolutely relevant (for any relationship with any person in your life)

      “We accept the love we think We deserve.”

      The movie is phenomenal as well. I also think it’s so cool you became a librarian!

    8. This book changed my life in a way. So I enjoyed it a lot as an angsty teenager, I even gifted it to a few younger angsty teenagers I worked with at a summer camp. When I was in college I decided I wanted to transfer schools. I wanted to go to an alternative college but had no idea where to start looking for one. I remembered that Charlie’s teacher tells him about a college out west with no grades. It’s just a passing mention in the book, the teacher says he’ll tell him more about it when it’s time to apply for schools.

      I literally googled “college west no grades” and that is the story of how I ended up at Evergreen State, an experience I fucking loved.

    9. I’ve only watched the movie and it triggered my ptsd like nothing ever had. I had no idea about themes going into it. I was a mess when the credits rolled

    10. I really like that book. I read it in my early 20’s. Ironically, I found myself reading the first few pages just a couple of days ago because I was looking at different epistolary novels. I almost got pulled back in. I like the awkward, sort of rambling way he starts the letter to Friend.

    11. I think about that quote often and have brought it up in a lot of discussions in the last 20 years. I actually think it’s quite profound. Probably the thing that struck me the most when I read the book. That and the poem.

    12. Archimedes__says on

      Honestly so much is crammed into that tiny book. I have always loved so much about it at different points in my life. Its short length inspires me.to reread it roughly every year and it’s been going on for so long now that I have a sad-but-sweet sort of nostalgia for the book. It feels like it has always been there. Anyway, easily one of my top five books. I love that quote!

    13. I regularly think about the “and all the books you’ve read have been read by other people. And all the songs you’ve loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that’s pretty to you is pretty to other people. And that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing unity.

      It’s like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel happy for
      them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. And all you want is
      to always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you’re happy, too.” lines. Captured a definite feeling there.

    14. I’m from Pittsburgh. Came from a family with a lot of abuse. I loved it, but it hit too close to home, on a lot of levels. I tell people to read it to understand me, but I can’t bring myself to read it again, even though I have it on my bookshelf.

    15. deafwhilereading on

      It was one of the first English books I read on my own and I enjoyed it. I didn’t know it was unpopular

    16. Sunflower_resists on

      I really loved POBWF, and I was so disappointed in Imaginary Friend by comparison. I think I’ll reread Perks now that you’ve mentioned it.

    17. Acceptable_Bluejay61 on

      I’m a YA Librarian too! This book is frequently banned, which tells me it’s worth reading :)- that, and, for all the accolades its received. Somehow I never got around to reading it- but it’s definitely on my TBR.

    18. Vegetable-Lasagna-0 on

      I had never read this book and randomly caught part of the movie on TV a few weeks ago. I was Charlie’s age in the early 90’s so I’m really enjoying it as a first time adult reader. I saw it’s a frequently banned book, so that definitely piqued my interest.

    19. I didn’t read POBAW until I was 18/19. I was 6 when it came out so it makes sense I didn’t know about it, and that book changed my life. I know it’s very tumblr of me to say that, but it did.

      It encompassed so much of my in high school and fresh out of high school into community college experience. I didn’t know WTF I was doing, I was lost and scared, I simultaneously hated myself and thought I was the only authentic and real person on the planet (some days). I couldn’t talk to my parents.

      I did one of Charlie’s monologues for my acting class since the movie had just come out and THAT was cringe but it’s a sweet memory for me.

    20. I read the book in high school and hated it. Havent reread it since but wonder what id think now 10+yrs later

    21. Haven’t read the book but I think on this concept of nature frequently and it’s interesting to see it verbalized elsewhere. My brain has always articulated the idea of divergent responses to the same stimuli like so – A wounded person may heal, scar over, and grow stronger from the experience. Or that same wound may never close and the victim may carry it for the rest of their lives. Who are we to say how we would react?

    22. wallflowerrxxx on

      This is my favorite book of all time. I read it when I was 12 or 13 and fell in love. It was the first book I remember reading that made me feel really seen. I’ve read it every January since.

      ETA: When the movie came out I was IRATE. I remember none of the characters looking like I imagined them to look like in my head. I felt like they left out important parts. It’s grown on me since then haha

    23. BroadStreetBridge on

      I read it when my then-high school daughter said it was her favorite novel. She surprised me – she read and liked quite a few classics. I really expected her to say The Great Gatsby.

      Well, I was curious… I thought it was great. Surprisingly moving

    24. Suspended_Accountant on

      I had to look up when the book was published and it was in 1999, and I was in high school until 2003, so it wasn’t in the syllabus when I was at school. I didn’t find out about the book until 2012 when the movie came out. Noticed it was based on a book, so got and read the book before watching the movie…then read the book again because I was confused about Charlie and what was wrong with him. I had to google it because it wasn’t glaringly obvious to me like it seemed to be for all the other people who had responded to someone asking the same question I was looking for answers to. Haven’t read it again since getting the answer, but I think I should read it again at some point.

    25. All I remember of this book is that it’s what I was reading when my ex-fiancé proposed. And I had been really into the book and I was a little miffed at being interrupted (which should have been a sign, in retrospect).

      I’m now happily married to someone who knows way better than to propose while I’m reading.

    26. sweetest_con78 on

      I read this book in high school and it was fine. The movie came out and after watching it, I sat on my floor and cried for at least an hour.
      I re-read it as an adult, after watching the movie, and absolutely loved it. I’m not sure what changed for me but both the book and the movie hit me super hard.

    27. I read this book in high school and I was oblivious if there were any trigger warnings – but without being aware of them it wrecked me. Opened my eyes for the first time to the impact of my own childhood trauma. And it… sucked.

    28. I read this book 6x as a young adult. Every year from 14-19. And each time i read i found new things in it that effected me. Its like the book was growing while i was too. Its truly a profound book and it helped me alot in adolescence

    29. justsomegirlie on

      I just read this for the first time and finished on the first this year. I was completely obsessed with it and I really love it as much as you can love a story like that

    30. TemperatureDizzy3257 on

      I haven’t read this book in about 15 years, but I do remember that it helped me come to terms with my own anxiety disorder. I remember a scene where the main character was lying on the floor under a pile of books to deal with his anxiety. For some reason, this made me realize that I also suffered from it. I got help soon after that.

    31. thepinkmarlin on

      I wrote my IB Extended Essay comparing this book to Catcher in the Rye vis a vis sexual assault on the development of young men. Long essay short, they’re really similar books!

    32. I adore this book, just carry it with me in my bones, but one of my favorite encounters with it was when I found it on the shelves when I was in prison. Other inmates would graffiti these books all to hell, and on the inside of this copy’s cover, I found: “This book is pretty good, even if it’s pretty fuckin gay. Guess it’s good to remember the times you’ve been around the kitchen table with your family though. A-“ and I’ll never forget it.

    33. I was sexually abused as a boy so that book was really important to me when I was in middle/high school. I think it was the first time I really saw myself in literature in a way that I don’t think I have again since. It really helped me process some things and gave me a lot of hope.

    34. Something about this book and tfios just bring me back to reality and put things in perspective

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