My (M) partner often calls me at night over video call and opens up about how hard her day has been, or what troubles she has been feeling, or things that have been unkind and frustrating for her lately.
She once remarked casually that in such moments, she should not have to tell me what to say, and I should know what to say – only then can emotional intensity develop.
Please recommend me books which will help me understand better how to have the right, emotionally intelligent words to say in such situations?
by theamorousbeing
2 Comments
Ooof, I’m sorry she’s not telling you what her specific needs are in those moments. As a general rule, people want to hear that you think their feelings are valid. Things like “That sounds really frustrating” or “I can imagine how painful that is.” You could also ask if, at a particular time, she wants words of support/validation or advice. I know that’s not a book suggestion, but the words “that sounds terrible” will take you a long way.
I liked this book so much I bought a copy. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg – “Discover how the language you use can strengthen your relationships, build trust, prevent conflicts, and heal pain. Revolutionary, yet simple, Nonviolent Communication offers you the most effective tools to reduce violence and create peace in your life—one interaction at a time.”