I finished Pet Sematary last night and I just need to talk about it.

Marked for spoilers in case you haven't read it. Final warning.

This book. THIS. BOOK.

My husband had prepared me somewhat for the subject matter and so I knew that it would be hard to read in parts, but frankly I've never really been scared by a Stephen King book. I loved The Stand and 11/22/63. I just figured it would be a quick read with some tough parts.

But what I feel today when I think about Pet Sematary: Like someone popped my balloon and then ran over my dog.

We all know that losing a child would be absolutely devastating. You don't have to be a parent to know that. Although, I'm sure that those of us as parents read this story slightly differently than those without them.

Would I want to bring my child back if I had a chance? Probably so. Even if it meant it would be a horrible terrifying version of them, because it would mean that they would be here. Everything that happened after the kite flying was just horrific, not because it was scary but because people live that reality daily. Children pass away for all reasons and the grief, the GRIEF, just destroys people.

One of my close friends lost her 3 year old to an accidental drowning. Their marriage has survived, but I can't help but wonder how you avoid the inevitable blaming game. You should have been watching him. He shouldn't have been so close to the road. Why wouldn't you have played with Gage in the backyard? This book in it's way answers the questions of what it's like to be in the head of the parent who wasn't able to get there in time.

I'm finding it most difficult to get past the hope that Stephen King allowed the reader to feel when Ellie told her mom about the dreams. When Rachel got back on the plane. When Rachel talked to Jud. When Rachel kept driving even though Jud told her to rest. When he scrambled the timelines just enough to give the possibility that maybe Rachel would find Louis at the cemetery and stop him from going through with the plan. That maybe the police car was sent by Rachel or Louis. Only for it to be ripped away and replaced by total despair.

And sweet little Ellie who was right in line to continue the cycle of childhood trauma and destruction. Gripping on to picture of her brother and begging her father not to go through with whatever crazy idea was haunting her. What happens to Ellie now? Now that her parents have essentially just died with Gage. She's only 5 years old!

This is the truly scary part of the book – that death is always near for all of us, including babies. And the grief can destroy you. Even when the rational parts of your consciousness are screaming out to you, the grief can consume you completely.

I can read stories about killer cars or clowns all day and never think too much about it – but this book, this version of someone's true story (minus some of the extra details) was more than I was prepared for.