Whenever I am confronted by anyone for something I did wrong, I go into defensive mode immediately. My mind goes wild and blank and I can’t concentrate on what they are saying. This causes me not to respond because I’m in my brain, all scrambles. What are some books to help with communication skills or whatever this is that is happening to me.
by Helpful-Buy766
2 Comments
I don’t have a book but for me I find it helpful to say something like I appreciate your feedback/or where you’re coming from- repeat back to them what they’ve said (if I’m hearing you right you’re upset bc of x,y,x) – if it was a mistake you made apologize for it (and not the disingenuous “I’m sorry you feel that way”) and if nothing comes to mind on how you can fix it ask what you can do or say something like I can do a,b,c do you think that sounds good/adequate…
Remember to breathe!! Going into defense mode is your sympathetic nervous system reacting – breathing and focusing on for example your feet on the ground or your back against a chair can help reorient your mind. Breathe and ground yourself. Exhaling and counting to 10 before responding can help. No one is perfect everyone makes mistakes. I feel like when most people feel wronged in some way they just want to feel heard/understood/acknowledged.
Hope someone comes thru with a book rec!
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay
Repentance & Repair by Danya Ruttenberg
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Say What You Mean by Oren Jay Sofer
Fight Right by Julie Schwartz Gottman
The Power of Listening by Damian Blair
Coping Skills by Faith G. Harper