I’ve lost hope that love is real, what books could either wreck me with romance or give me the illusion love is still real?

I've always been the second choice, only have managed to get hook ups, never have been given the chance for an actual relationship due to everything from circumstances to preferences to being rain checked eternally, my own parents only stayed together because they couldn't afford to divorce and part of why my dad ended himself was probably because of money troubles, I could go on but basically I don't think love as I understood it (or how most portray it) is real nor is in the cards for me. I'm still heavily affected by romance stories though, so what book will either wreck me or keep me in la la land?