Book recommendations for how to handle confrontation in relationships without getting defensive or toxic

Recommendations for books on how to handle conflict better?

I have bad habits during conflict in my romantic relationship. When conversations get tense I tend to get immature, passive-aggressive, defensive. I often turn the tables and sometimes when my fight or flight is really high I can get really toxic and call names and say cruel things I don’t mean. Are there any really good books on how to improve on these things?

I’ve promised to improve on these things again and again but have fallen short every time and now my partner feels like my apologies are just manipulation to get what I want instead of a commitment to actually improve. Does anyone have any recommendations for books that help you improve on these things?