Looking for books to understand my sexuality as a late bloomer

I’m in my 20s and would really like to continue to explore my identity as a sexual being in 2026. As a black heterosexual woman that hasn’t dated before but desperately wants to, one aspect I’m struggling with to prepare for that journey is viewing myself as an inherently desirable and sexual figure that can participate in romantic or intimate situations. What I’d like to understand can be broken down into a couple areas (will get a bit detailed just for context!):

1. Navigating romantic relationships as a late bloomer: One of the more common effects I’ve noticed for myself and others who didn’t start dating until they were an adult is the difficulty in seeing oneself as a ‘partner.’ I’m grateful as a 21st century woman to have a college education and my own job and apartment and am able to experience that my women ancestors may not have been able to, but these are all things I’ve done independently or with a community of mostly fellow women. So where/how would a man fit in to my life? Even with mundane things like grabbing lunch, I’ll see other couples out and about doing that and feel skeptical whether or not I could do the same without looking like an impostor.

2. Anxieties around intimacy: Another thing I’ve learned is that I’m very worried about how I’d perform in more physically intimate situations. One side of this is that I love a lemony romance and avidly read self-insert romances, but it only works for my brain because I’m not a truly active participant. I’m watching a version of myself in third-person act in these scenarios with these characters I’ve grown to love (part of the point of fanfic I know), yet if I were to think of myself doing something even remotely similar with an IRL crush, I feel like my throat’s closed up and I’ve broken into a cold sweat. The other side is that I have a shaky level of appreciation for my own body and appearance, which I think heightens the stress about someone seeing me intimately. Even if my favorite character stepped out of a book and professed his love for me, I literally wouldn’t know what to do with all that.

So any books, essays, etc that people may think would help with exploring aspects related to any part of these issues and how race and sexuality orientation fits in would be great (extra points if it comes from BIPOC writers and doesn’t only have to be heterosexual authors)! Leaning towards nonfiction as again my issue is not really seeing myself in certain spaces but fun fiction suggestions will also be very appreciated.