So, occasionally a post pops up here about the lack of men reading fiction, or reading at all. I'm a man, and have been a reader my whole life. I have a masters in English Literature (somehow, before anyone jumps on me for the inevitable bad grammar in this post, I have dyslexia, and while I know the rules of grammar, even now after years of writing essays and academia it doesnt come easy to me), and have loved books.
Up until maybe two or three years I was never really aware it was considered a primarily feminine hobby, in my english clases id say it was about a thirty to seventy split between men and women, certainly more women, but nothing so substantial you noticed it terribly. Though I think different has widened in recent years as it has been fifteen years since I got my masters. Recently ive started to become a bit self conscious about my reading habbit. I'm thirty six and single, and would like to meet someone. I've never in my life thought reading a lot would contribute to this. I go to the pub after work everyday, sit and reading with my earbuds. I've been reading in pubs since I started my masters, not once, ever, has a stranger walked up to me and asked what im reading. But, online I see endless posts about performative males only reading to impress women. I typed in sally rooney to the Instagram search bar to see if I could find any memes to send to a friend, who's a big fan, and got an endless amount of posts making fun of men who read her only to impress her.
Okay, so a man reading other women is out, cause that's performative, and you'll be judged. Fine, there's plenty of male authors to read, like pynchon, mccarthy, or David Wallace. Except someone made a post about how they enjoyed those books on here a week ago, and the top comment was a snide comment along the lines of 'i see the books men reading to feel smart haven't changed' and was then followed by a lot of comments calling op 'cringe" and pretentious. Okay, so those guys are out. I'll read fantasy, nerd. I'll read horror, genre loving spalttrrpunk, low brow. Okay, not that then, hmm, ill read some self improvement, alpha male, tate wannabe.
As a man these days there's almost no way to read a book, of any level, or any genre, without being judged for reading and it breaks my heart. I know, I know, don't give a fuck what people think about you. But, the truth is, people do. Young men are as conscious of their image as anyone else and we've vilified reading for men that if I was younger id feel very self conscious about picking up any book. Which would hsve been an awful choice for me, because I think reading saved my life. I suffer from depression, and there were times when the negative thoughts got so loud I felt like I was going insane. Concentrating on a book helped break that cycle, as did not feeling so trapped in my reality, behind my eyes, through books you can see the world through many different eyes. You can also find books that put into words the feelings youre suffering from better than I could, and seeing something I felt described so well helped me unpick them and come to terms with them. Its so sad we've come up with so many judgements sbout why men, and no one seems to think men can read just because they want to.
I guess im asking, if as a woman you buy into any of these stereotypes and judgements, and what do you think about them in general? And men if they feel most self conscious about reading then they used to? Also am I just terminally online and this may be far less of a problem in real life than online? Though even if it is, it's rare to meet readers in real life, so if a lot of online discourse is tinged with this its still a problem. But yeah, what do people on here think about the judgements around men reading and what theyre reading and do you think any of the preconceived notions are true?
by stinkface_lover
21 Comments
I think you’re using reading to cover other things. There are plenty of men who read. Maybe they get a little fun poked at them, but people do that to each other.
One or two mean-spirited comments on the internet cannot be taken seriously.
I’ve never heard of reading being a female hobby.
And the reality is : nobody cares what your hobbies are. As long as you’re not bothering anyone else people generally don’t care.
Just do what you enjoy and stop worrying about what others think.
You are making way too big of a deal about this. Read your book in public if you want; anyone who judges you for it probably wasn’t worth your time anyway.
Get off TikTok and Reddit and read whatever you want? Or stay on social media and ignore the “culture” of which you speak, it doesn’t matter.
44M here. Nobody ever judged me negatively for reading a book. What the hell. Who did that to you? Can you give an example? Can you just kick out such people from your life?
> As a man these days there’s almost no way to read a book, of any level, or any genre, without being judged for reading and it breaks my heart.
The thing you have to remember, is that those joking about *performative males* are largely people without a fully formed prefrontal cortex. Just do what you want man, women in their 30s who like reading aren’t going to write you off because you like reading.
Stop engaging with the stupid shit strangers say on the internet
We have a retired male doctor at my library who now predominantly reads our Harlequin bodice rippers. He says he read so much dry medical texts for work for decades that he only wants to read for pleasure now.
In a world of social media, everything is performative, hence, nothing really is anymore.
Is this guy trying to pick up women on r/books? With that username?
I’m 42 and read a lot. And I’m pretty forward about it. I don’t tend to go to loud, crowded public places like pubs to read, never really understood that, but I’ve never experienced or witnessed ridicule toward male readers. Maybe it happens in some communities or areas but I think the overall general attitude toward male readers is pretty benign. And even if I did get made fun of or questioned, I would likely assume it was the result of a deficiency or poor experience on their part and they’re now deflecting in some manner. In fact, I feel like you’re deflecting in some manner writing this post.
Best of luck. Read what you read when you want to read it and don’t worry about it.
The perception that if you read women it’s performative, and if you only read men it’s because you’re a misogynist, is a kind of internet perception. That’s what people who comment about reading habits believe because they’re spouting that shit on the Internet. Read what you like. Nobody is going to come up and ask what you’re reading because life is not a movie.
Ultimately, reading is rarely if ever related to dating. If you’re waiting on someone to praise your reading habits it will be a long wait.
You’re putting way too much thought into this. Just read the books you want to read.
I hear you, and I don’t discount your perspective. It sounds disheartening.
From my perspective as a woman, I don’t feel like reading is a feminine hobby, and I find it attractive when men do read, any genre of their choosing. What you’re describing sounds like typical reddit to me in that no matter what your opinion or preference is, there will always be someone to judge you for it. And it can feel very targeted sometimes.
Rest assured many women love men and want to see you enjoy reading whatever it is you want to read same as anyone else (myself included). Please continue sharing your reading experiences on this sub.
> As a man these days there’s almost no way to read a book, of any level, or any genre, without being judged for reading and it breaks my heart
Sure there is, here’s the trick: step 1 read a book. Step 2 read another one
I read all the time, I talk about reading all the time to people I interact with on a day to day. I have talked about the romance novels I’ve read with women and men. I’ve talked about the fantasy novels, the non-fiction, and so on. I’ve never felt judged for reading.
What do I think about the judgements? I think your question is flawed. I think your question should be framed up as why does r/books pass these judgements, and how significant are the *N* upvotes in a forum which has 1.3M weekly visitors.
Bruh what
Just read
People who read are awesome, I don’t care what’s between your legs.
You read with your brain, not your gonads.
I have become an ardent non fiction reader, whereas reading fiction i have some of my best thought as I zone out and miss 3 or 4 full pages.
but I didn’t read your post before commenting…so there’s that.
I don’t think guys are judged outside a really weird minority. I finished Interview With A Vampire and didn’t know it was considered a ‘girly’ book until after the fact. Nobody I’ve talked to about it thinks it makes me look insecure.
I bet if you went to a book club not a single person, men or women, would say a man reading Sally Rooney is only possible because he wants to attract a girlfriend. Even if they did think it, they wouldn’t say it because it would widely be considered a stupid opinion.
Unfortunately, all of my reading buddies are female.
I’m not sure why the men in my life don’t read. I can say, that in all my time reading with friends, not once has the male reader been brought up in a negative way. Or, at all, even.
We often read historical/language/LGBT fiction. I’m the one reading more erotic horror and “harsher” books. No negative comments or “culture” surrounding men in my group.
Honestly, readers just seem happy to find other readers in my experience.