I am a 25 F, and being around my family gives me constant anxiety. I’m the eldest girl cousin in a group full of boys, and most of them don’t really respect me or value my opinions. My own brother usually sides with the other guys, and they all tend to stick together.
Growing up, they bullied me. It started out as harmless teasing, but over time, it turned into something more hostile. Two of my older cousins (34 and 29) don’t have jobs, yet they’re treated like the good ones in the family, while I’m constantly hit with backhanded comments. The irony is that I’m financially independent and doing well for myself, yet I’m the one who’s judged.
This really gets to me. I want to stop reacting, but when they make sexist or dismissive comments, I can’t seem to hold back. And because most of the family sides with them, I end up looking like the difficult one.
I want to learn how to detach emotionally. I want to stop wasting energy on people who don’t value me. I want to build a mindset where I don’t react to their opinions, where I don’t argue or try to defend myself every time. I’m looking for something maybe a book that can help me care less, speak less when it’s not worth it, and build the kind of calm, stoic mindset where I no longer let them get under my skin.
by Azhagiya_Lailaa
4 Comments
The dance of anger by Harriet learner should be very helpful. Even though it’s an older book, it has a ton of insight into family and relationship dynamics. The parts about triangles and change backs might be particularly useful.
If you want something a little more modern, I’d recommend everything isn’t terrible by Kathleen Smith
Don’t spend time around them?
You’re an adult now. It’s time to cut ties w people who don’t respect you. Find your own community/family that does. Friends, relationships, a mentor.
Drama Free by Nedra Tawwab