So I was just trying to get my dad to obtain a tax code that you need here in my country so that you're able to make purchases from abroad. I was resorting to him cause I already used all my available importation slots (you can import up to 5 purchases without problem, after that you're supposed to pay more taxes, etc.).
The point is that he got annoyed and essentially told me to go to hell and that I know nothing at all blah blah. For context: he is a VERY grumpy person, VERY easy to irritate, a VERY angry person. Not necessarily violent, or maybe just slightly I should say (if we're talking about verbal and psychological abuse).
He has NEVER supported me at all. Never given me a word of support. Pretty much the contrary. When I was trying to start a second degree at public university (one of the most demanding ones here in Argentina), he literally told me "you know, you have to be prepared to fail cause that place is difficult"… Well, thanks dad! For context, I used to be the high achiever kind of kid at school, straight A's, etc. So essentially he clearly did not believe in me.
Right now I was trying to buy some stuff from China cause I'm trying to get a little side business of crafts going on, and they're always bringing me down about how my price is expensive and nobody's going to buy (they = my dad and sister mainly).
Then my sister is HIGHLY hyper critical, never encouraging. My mom is silent in general, she isn't straightforwardly negative but she's definitely not praising or supporting me in any way either. Actually a few months ago she literally told me to stop buying supplies (not like an order, I'm a grown ass adult, but she literally said "stop buying these things" – and it's not like I have a whole warehouse full of supplies or anything).
So as you can see I have a lovely family full of little snakes, or crows, or something – you get the idea. It’s always been this way honestly. That’s why I grew up to be HIGHLY independent, not talking to them about anything unless it’s essentially necessary, not being good at all at developing trusting, nurturing friendships, etc.
I have only one “real friend”, or someone I can kind of rely on for many things but we’re not THAT close either. She’s not supportive of my attempts to do extra money either, she was clearly jealous of me trying to get a second degree too.
I do realize there’s a lot of psychological stuff at play, people don’t do things cause they necessarily hate YOU, do not take it personally, etc. But it’s really hard not to take it personal when your own family does not support you in any way, and actually are openly critical from time to time.
I really thought I’d be over all this at this point (I’m in my early 30s) but I guess I’m just human and cannot help but TRY to get close to the few people that surround me and unconsciously expect to be supportive.
SO if you got to this point – do you have any good readings that describe specifically these situations were you are truly alone and nobody supports you and you need to be your own best friend at all times. I really thought I’d mastered this art but I’m in need of getting in touch with others who’ve been through this and can offer their words of wisdom.
Sincerely thank you if you comment and recommend anything!
by Informal-Dare1982