Some context- College freshman in my second semester, standing before the endless ocean that is the future. I’ve felt this sense of malaise and lack of direction for a while, but before now I had the rigid structure of highschool + living with my parents, this forced me to (at least) keep myself busy with things, a list of “Have to-s.” Even though I probably wasn’t any happier or more fulfilled back then.
Now I am by myself at a college dorm, no friends but the ones I strike out to make, no given framework but the one I craft for myself. I didn’t exactly want to start college already, but I also couldn’t think of or verbalize a preference for something else. So the calculation of my parents, borne of little expressed desire of my own – It would be a shame to let your grades, test scores, and offered scholarships go to waste. If you don’t have a preference, you need to do *something.* So off I went, straight after highschool graduation. And here I am, in a major program (computer engineering) and taking classes aligned with my interests and hobbies. Mostly free to do as I please, when I please… And I feel… So… Empty. Every time I come back to this godforsaken room, I’m questioning the nature and purpose of every aspect of my daily existence. Why are things this way, why do you do that, are you genuinely enjoying any of this? I question why I even talk and attempt to socialize, my existing tendencies to self-isolate worsening.
What would you recommend to someone in my position to read? I have this labeled as self-help, but it could really be anything that you think could provide perspective to someone as clueless and lost as I feel. A recent read for me was The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt, the blend of different disciplines + philosophies was very insightful. Don’t feel pressured to suggest psychology books, though, it could really be anything.
by StupidlyJay