I’m a man who has trouble with my role in modern society. The online feminist community has been… not the most welcoming to me outside of some more niche outlets. Not that I blame them, but all the men’s communities are either incel groups or some kind of cult. So, the internet refuses to give me an answer about what it means to be a man that isn’t soaked in politics and tribalism.
I just want to get rid of all this baggage I have about being a man and learn what gender equality really means. I want to support women without hating myself for my gender. I want to be a man who people can think of as one of the good ones. I want lots of people, men and women alike, to think well of me. I want to be a good man, and maybe a good boyfriend, husband, and father down the line.
I mean, either that or maybe I might need to re-evaluate my gender identity, but I don’t think I’m ready for that conversation.
What books on this subject do you recommend? I’m willing to read anything.
by Firelite67
7 Comments
>I want to be a man who people can think of as one of the good ones. I want lots of people, men and women alike, to think well of me.
Why?
Have you checked out the MensLib subreddit? It seems like a pretty cool community, and probably relevant to a lot of what you mentioned in your post. (And no it’s not a men’s rights group, don’t worry!)
Caitlin Moran is good for this – very UK centric, but also very funny. How To Be a Woman has some great essays, I’ve not read What About Men but it’s probably also funny. She’s a bit Feminism 101 (meaning it’s all a bit ‘well yes, and?’ to a lot of feminists) but you have to start somewhere.
I’m sure other people will recommend more good non fiction, so my other suggestion is to just read lots of women writers – Margaret Atwood, Kate Atkinson, Octavia Butler, Ursula Le Guin, Zadie Smith, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie – great writers in many genres. Reading women’s voices is a great way to understand where women are coming from and what they have experienced.
*The New Masculinity* by Alex Manley is a great read that has a lot of empathy for men and some great examples of ways to reframe or unlearn some of the negatives of how men are socialized. *For the Love of Men: From a Toxic to a More Mindful Masculinity* by Liz Plank is similar.
*I’m Afraid of Men* by Vivek Shraya is very short but great read, too. Good luck!
Beyond Power by Marilyn French
bell hooks’ the will to change: men, masculinity and love was an easy read but thought-provoking.
katherine angel: tomorrow sex will be good again has some interesting thoughts on sex
hood feminism- mikki kendal