I run my thumb over and over the rough blackened end of my pointer finger. Casting a quick glance around the empty room, I realize im doing it because im nervous. My eyes shift back down to my deadened finger and I consider for the hundreth time how its prescence feels so out of place with the rest of me. An unsettling darkness enveloping my finger and curving to the base of my palm, forming a sort of crescent moon against the natural glow of my skin. Despite this, I am undeniably beautiful. Light green eyes, hair so dark blue you’d question if it was black, and olive skin that makes my freckles look like gold dusted across my high cheekbones.
I have watched other women effortlessly harness this kind of beauty, watched them weave it into status and power. Mine has always felt like a foreign language to me, fumbling over itself, and lacking the allure that others posess. At times, I wonder if it is something that can be learned or if I’ve already spent too much time alone.
The freezing metal of the chair biting through my thin tunic is a harsh reminder of how ill-prepared I am to be here. The outfit suited for festive summer night feels jarring against the sterile white room. I try not to dwell on the fact that they were able to find me within seconds of the clock striking midnight—eighteen on the dot— as if they had known all along. Any semblance of freedom I had seeming more and more like a cruel gift ready to be snatched away the second I turned of age.
I think back on the night, a gift to myself really, letting my guard down. Under the cover of night we had let our bodies flow together with the music. Faces blurring in and out of the moonlight. Disapearing and appearing so quickly that none of us had names or faces. So many hands tracing the invisible breeze and sometimes gently running across my arms or back before returning to their position of reaching for the sky. Music has always flowed through me in a way that makes me forget everything else. Dancing lets me create my own magic, the kind noone can take away from you.
“Were ready for you
by Confident_Wrangler42