I was diagnosed with a terminal kidney disease in my early twenties and told then that I should expect to die before 40. I spent years grappling with and finally accepting my early demise. I made sure to live life as fully as possible and did not bother with a plan for the future.
My tenth kidney surgery resulted in temporary paralysis and the loss of my business as I had to learn to walk all over again, making the 2,500 miles I had been driving weekly for my work no longer an option. I took it in stride and decided I could use the opportunity to live even more freely, since I expected to die within 5 years of the paralysis. But when my twelfth kidney surgery ended up solving the original problem, I was excited at the idea of growing old with my beloved family.
My current issue is that I’ve now turned 40, I’ve managed to find a job, and I’m working out and getting healthier by the day. But this situation has thrown me straight into the deep end of the mid-life crisis pool. I have realized that I have no stability. No future. No clue where to start and how to put my life together.
I keep trying to find books of similar experiences or…really anything to help me navigate this mild-yet-constant panic attack I’m in the midst of. The only things I can find are books helping meadjust to the dying. I did that part 20 years ago! Now I need a book to help me adjust to the living.
by gamboling_gophers
1 Comment
Just piping in to say that I don’t know of any but if you write one I’d read it… maybe writing about your experiences and how you came to terms with terminal illness only to realize that you had more future than you expected is part of how you can cope with your new fate?