I get it, it’s an argument whether abuse can or should be forgiven, but rather, I just want to make peace with it all, in the sense that even if I don’t forgive, I want to appreciate what I should appreciate,, and simply acknowledge the bad in a way that I just use it as fuel to better myself someday, rather than let it fester and wreck my relationship with my parents more.
For context, I’m 24F and my parents are in their 60s now, father is verbally and physically abusive, mother is neglectful and depressed, but, my mom’s ok now , she’s apologized and I can see her fixing herself and i love her for that, dad’s left us 4 years ago after he got me hospitalized.
My dad is very narcissistic and hasn’t changed, neither does he think he has to, even asks me to apologize to him. I feel a burning anger everytime I see him, I don’t even save his number on my phone.
I want to love him. I don’t want him to die and for me to feel like maybe I could’ve tried harder, but I don’t know how. How do I love, or forgive, or at the least, not deeply hate someone who’s hurt me so much?
I’ve gotten these two novels as suggestions, haven’t read them yet though : Please Look After Mom, and I Went To See Father
But I’d like more suggestions if you have any. My parents are getting old, I don’t want to repeat the cycle to them. I want to be more patient with my mom, I want to not hate my dad.
Thank you.
by Admirable-Ad-4906