I'm currently in the middle of reading the book, basically I'm almost done with the first half (the romance part) and about to enter the second half (the tragedy part). But I have skimmed through and seen some pages from later chapters. I usually don't do that, and I don't discuss books before I finish them. But I feel like I need to vent about something to be able to stomatch the emotionally gut wrenching part of the story that's already approaching.
And that's Jude Faraday's horrible parenting and how little it gets called out. I may be wrong on that since as I said, I only skimmed through some pages in later chapters. But the image they gave me is the only thing she takes accountability for, are the things she does out of grief after the tragedy happens. Not about her pivotal role in causing it.
(TL;DR for those who don't remember details. Mia and Zak are twin siblings that at the start of high school meet and befriend Lexie Bale, a kid that lived through a lot of trauma due to her addict mom, and `spent most of her time going from foster home to foster home. She and Mia become best friends, and Zak and her fall in love and ultimately start dating. She finds family for the first time in the twins. It all changes after a car accident after their graduation party, which breaks up the family and changes everyone's lives. 5 years later the characters face the past and have to forgive and move forward).
Now let me talk about Jude. From the start of the book she rubs you the wrong way. It's made clear that she has a lot of trauma of her own to deal with, linked to growing up with a neglectful mother. So as a result, when she becomes a mom she makes her entire existence about her children and trying to overcompensate for the love she lacked. The problem with that, is she goes to the other extreme constantly infantilizing them and becoming suffocating. Even in the first chapters when she meets Lexie, she becomes very unsettling fast. Lexie doesn't want to talk about her home being self concious about living on a trailer with her poor aunt, so she wants to take the bus and leave after visiting them. But Jude can't stand not knowing everything about her kids' friends so she becomes increasingly uncomfortable breaking boundary after boundary, asking Lexie uncomfortable questions, insisting to drive her home, learn everything about her and even talk with her aunt. And then she instantly (in her thoughts) becomes judgemental seeing her as a potential threat just because of her bad background.
Throughout the rest of the book's first half it's the same. Always worrying about everything, not wanting her kids to go to party, drink even a beer, or do anything teens do, constnatly checking their schedules, spending countless hours deciding and mapping out their college paths. etc. And when Zak and Lexie become a couple she becomes paranoid about them hurting Mia despite Mia herself being fine with it, to the point where she compares, her son being in love to him being addicted to heroin ffs. The woman is batshit crazy and it ain't subtle. Her husband is also enabling her because the most he ever does is tease her about her neurotic overprotective nature. He never really reigns her in or pushes her to get therapy. Which if she had, the entire tragedy would have been avoided.
So let's discuss that. Because the crux of the tragedy, and the part I hope the book aknowledges near the end but I fear it won't, is the toxic dynamic she created between her two kids. Because Mia is more introverted and has a lot of social anxiety, Jude basically puts the weight of that on the popular and overachieving Zak. And even though she says she grew to love Lexie her actions indicate she only accepted her in a pragmatic way because she felt her influence was helping Mia break out of her shell.
And the effects of it are shown. There is a passage at some point where Zak is said to be afraid of his own emotions and constantly struggling with his family's expectations. It's all about making Jude happy, and help MIa. Mia is also a bit of a golden child for her mom I'd say. This all comes to a head when they are about to appy and then go to colleges in their senior year. Mia's dream is an expensive college, while Lexie needs to go to community college for 2 years and work to even be able to study somewhere else. But because Mia is socially anxious and meek it's taken as a given that her choice is the only one that matters, and Zak will have to go to the same place as her. Thing is Zak wants to go with Lexie. But he feels he can't disappoint his mom by expressing that. And feels guilt for Mia too. And when he does, his mom blows up at him and Lexie. Not for the opportunity he's wasting (he actually gets in the big college) but because "Mia is talented but can't go without Zak and it will be wasted". Even when Mia herself offers a compromise for all of them to go to community college and transfer later, Jude shoots it down.
Which directly leads to him breaking a promise to not drink in the party out of frustration. And because Jude would also tell them to call her if they get drunk without getting in trouble but then would give them trouble, they don't want to call her. So Lexie who also drunk drives them, leading to the tragic accident that becomes the story's catalyst.
And here's my gripe with the book. Lexie feels guilty and repeatedly claims she "killed her best friend". Zak also feels guilty for letting her take the blame and breaking his promise. What I didn't see in the chapters I skimmed is Jude doing any sort of self reflection on how her parenting led there.
Instead of taking Mia to therapy for her social anxiety, she enables the dynamic that coddles her and pressures Zak to a breaking point. Instead of thinking that living alone could benefit her in the long run, she's so myopically obsessed with them not straying from the simple safe path she set, she wants to continue that dynamic. Instead of teaching them why their irresposible behavior could be bad, she focuses on punsihment and showing disappointment. In sort, she wants to prevent them from getting hurt or making mistakes in any way. Keep them in a bubble. But the only thing that happens when you do that to a kid, is that they never get to learn from small mistakes, and then make bigger ones with dire consequences. Which is exactly what happens in the story.
And it annoys me that at least as far as I've read it's never really adressed. And generally I feel stories have the tendency to only paint neglectful or abusive parents as bad or flawed, because the effects of their parenting are more prominent. And this kind of neurotic coddling overprotective behavior is based on love, so its excused. But it's just as bad. I guess that's the true tragedy of the book. How easily everything could have been prevented if anyone ever called out Jude on her parenting and actually treated the kids as people and not bombs about to burst at any moment.
EDIT: One aspect I forgot to touch on, is how the consequences of Jude's helicopter parenting were shown early on with Zach wasting three years before he made a move on Lexie because of that dynamic Jude had drilled in them with the whole "don't rock the boat and keep Mia happy" thing.
EDIT 2: Just reached the part where Jude is the one to insist to press charges against Lexie even though her son and husband both want to just move on and aknowledge her as a victim too. I officially hate her guts now.
by TvManiac5