We all know that some books can be incredibly heavy, and it's not uncommon for some of the best books ever written to be very difficult reads which end up staying with us for a good long while, especially for those who struggle with mental health issues.
The first example that comes to mind when thinking about that is A Little Life, which affected many people *very* negatively. It's definitely a love it or hate it book, and while I won't get into its merits here again (spoiler: hate it), suffice it to say that as a teacher I've seen my fair share of people struggle quite badly after reading it.
On top of all that, we now have booktok recommending books willy-nilly and without any careful consideration, and as a result I see students – and occasionally friends – regretting certain reads that they went into blindly and then later found they weren't ready for or weren't equipped to deal with.
I remember as a young girl reading philosophy and struggling, Camus in particular, with The Myth of Sysyphus triggering my first bout of depression. I'll never regret reading it and I'm better for having studied it, but the idea of pushing a boulder up a mountain only to have it roll back down and being doomed to repeat it over and over again for eternity was already eerily familiar, while at the same time not something I was fully capable of grasping – especially as it mentions the question suicide right off the bat. The fact that it encourages us to fight the absurdity of life with passionate revolt wasn't clear to me then, either.
The Sorrows of Young Wether, on the other hand, was an incredible experience (read it around the same time) because while it's heart-wrenching, my edition luckily had a postface that elaborated on some of Goethe's thoughts about the book and his statement that giving his character a tragic ending was his way of avoiding having that ending himself. Rather than getting me down, it was almost a high at that age to think that creating something could be a path to healing. As a creative person, it was like finding treasure.
Then again, some books, even some that seem completely benign, we seem to have a knack for finding and reading at the worst possible time – much like reading about a plane crash during a 16-hour flight (yep, I've done that). Crappy timing also happens with some of the best literary works we have at out disposal, like reading Lolita before being able to grasp the nuance and criticism of the book and taking it literally as pedophilia and nothing else (did that too). Or even, yes, reading A Little Life while struggling with suicide ideation or self-harm – though this is a book I very much regret wasting time on regardless of timing.
I'm writing about this at length to my students and I'm curious about some things:
Are there books you regret reading? Why? As for the ones you're glad to have read but struggled with, which were those? Are there specific topics you still avoid?
And, have you developed any strategies for your heaviest reads and do they still affect your mental health?
I've found I'm not as negatively affected by the tough stuff as I once was but I do have a few tools in place, such as having a lighter read always going in parallel, meditation, and especially talking about it with someone. If all else fails, watching the West Wing fixes it 😏.
What are your experiences?
by monikat79
4 Comments
I had a similar experience with The Myth of Sisyphus. Read it too young and took the despair at face value instead of the defiance. Timing really is everything. This is such an underrated conversation. We talk about ‘reading level’ but not ‘emotional readiness,’ which might matter even more for certain books.
i get what you mean about heavy reads, some books just hit differently at certain times in life. for me, “the bell jar” was a tough one, but it was also super eye-opening. having a lighter book on standby is such a smart move, helps to balance that emotional weight.
man the camus thing hits close to home. read the stranger around 19 and it messed me up for weeks – the whole meaninglessness angle when you’re already questioning everything at that age
these days i usually check content warnings before diving in heavy stuff, learned that lesson hard way. also started keeping track in my notes which books left me feeling like garbage vs ones that were difficult but worth it. timing really is everything with some reads, like you said with lolita – probably would’ve gotten more out of it if i waited few more years
for strategies, i do the lighter book thing too, usually something sci-fi or fantasy to balance out. also learned to put books down if they’re hitting wrong – used to force myself through everything but life’s too short for that
I’m Thinking of Ending Things was a pretty awful read and I would be pretty sad if someone who is not equipped with emotional health tools read it.