“Of Human Bondage” by W. Somerset Maugham is one of the most emotionally powerful and heartbreaking books I’ve ever read

"It might be that to surrender to happiness was to accept defeat, but it was a defeat better than many victories."

So ends the journey of Phillip Carey, the tortured, haunted, often pitiful, often frustrating protagonist of William Somerset Maugham's Of Human Bondage. And it's a hell of an emotional wringer of a journey, following Phillip from his childhood over the next couple of decades, and charting every agonizing moment of emotional trauma, pain and hurt.

Of Human Bondage seems to have a reputation as a novel of toxic love and doomed romance, and while it is that to a degree (boy, is it fucking ever), it feels like a disservice to the book to reduce it to just that. It explores so much more – how we turn our worst flaws inward into self-loathing and a lack of self-esteem; the meaning and importance of the arts to us as human beings; the sheer pain of being human, feeling human emotions and all that comes with it.

Philip's doomed "romance" with Mildred is the core of the story though, and holy shit is it an absolute fucking punch to the gut. I don't think I've ever felt as uncomfortable, frustrated and downright angry at another romantic relationship in a book before. I feel like "toxic" doesn't even begin to cover it. It's downright difficult to read through at times, and there are many times where I wanted to reach through the page and smack Philip in the face (and Mildred too). It's the best example I've seen of the idealization of romantic love, and how we create a concept of the person we love in our heads and try to turn them into who we want to be vs. who they actually are.

Funnily enough, it kind of reminded me of the movie 500 Days of Summer with Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zoe Deschanel – except much more depressing and emotionally scarring.

This is vital in exploring the "human bondage" concept of the book, which to me was the unbreakable hold our feelings and our emotions have over us. How they keep bringing us unhappiness, pain and despair and how we're still unable to define ourselves without them. You either give up or prevail, finding joy and beauty elsewhere in life.

The idea of the self and how Maugham explored this through Philip's perception of himself was something else I loved, especially when it comes to his own deformity. His insecurity and constant awareness of his clubfoot, and how he thinks it makes him ugly and unappealing, seems to color so much of how he sees the world, especially women, in the way the narration constantly focuses on their physical flaws and imperfections. Its self-loathing turned outwards.

One thing I found interesting about the book is how the style and tone changes as it moves through Philip's life. the early sections feel very much Victorian in its concepts of an orphan boy living with relatives, boarding school shenanigans etc. As the novel moves through time into the Edwardian era and World War I, the narrative itself starts to feel more contemporary and timely.

I can't recommend this book highly enough. It's definitely a bit of a commitment – it's long, glacially paced and can be downright uncomfortable at times, but it's also an incredibly powerful, tragic and ultimately human read.